White Flour - why must you be SO good??

I took the kids to the park today and on the way home I was exhausted and didn't feel like making them lunch.  I try very hard not to bring them to McDonald's so I went to a local bread company to pick them up some of the pizza they make there.  They didn't have pizza but they had rolls that had just come out of the oven.......Anyway, this is a lot of rambling before getting to the point of this post which is this:  I had a roll with tuna and. it. was. AWESOME!  I realize that one white flour roll isn't the end of the world, but it's certainly NOT on the diet I'm following.  But did I mention how awesome it was?  :-)  Well, I'm back on track now, back to following my "yeast eliminating diet", and back to fighting fat.

I've lost 13.5 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lost 3.5 pounds last week (and there was a HOLIDAY!).  How?  Well I'm just getting over my "monthly friend", so I think there was some water retention going on prior to that, but I also exercised and I had to do a lot of sacrificing.  I kept saying all week, "This better pay off!!!"...and it did!!

So now I weigh 198.5!  May I never ever see the 200s again! 

A note about CRAVINGS

I just realized that in my last two posts I've talked about "really really really" wanting dessert "really really really" badly, and I can just hear people saying, "you shouldn't completely deny yourself anything, you should just eat in moderation", or "if you completely deny yourself something it's just going to cause you to binge on it later."  This is the thing with me and sweets though, when I eat them I just want them even more.  There is no "moderation" with me and sweets.  Example?  I allowed myself to have some dessert on Thanksgiving and I have been STRONGLY craving dessert ever since (I mean COME ON, I'm even dreaming about eating dessert!).  Do I regret having dessert on Thanksgiving?  No.  But I knew that as soon as I had the dessert, my sugar cravings would kick back in again.  History has shown that a dessert on a holiday has led to days to even months of daily dessert eating because I just. can't. stop.

It is my hope that I will someday get to a point that I can have some dessert,  feel satisfied, and not want any more, but honestly, I don't know if that is ever going to happen for me.  I'm beginning to accept the fact that if I allow myself to have a dessert on a special occasion or a holiday, I'm going to have to deal with the cravings of wanting more on the days that follow, and not cave into them.  That is what "moderation" is going to have to mean for me, and I'm going to have to be clear with myself about this, or the weight is going to start coming back on again.

A Trip to My Parent's house

Back in October I put up a post about what going to my parent's house used to be like i.e., I would walk through the door and start eating food like I had just come home from being a contestant on "Survivor".  I went there today and I could have gone nuts like I used to.  I mean they had potato chips, they had cookies left over from Thanksgiving, they had nuts, and I was hungry!   However, I stuck to my diet and had a piece of toast with some butter, and a handful of reduced fat popcorn.  It wasn't easy though.  I wanted a cookie really really really REALLY bad, ESPECIALLY since I had been dreaming about eating cake the whole night before.  But now it's 9:15 at night and I can look back on the day and be PROUD of myself, AND THAT my friends, is WAY better than any cookie could ever be!  :-)

"Sweet" Dreams

I dreamed I was eating cake all night long, last night.  I guess I really really really want some cake!  Aaaah!  I'm being tortured in my sleep!! :-)

More tempations tackled

I took my son to a birthday party today and they had awesome looking pizza, but I didn't have any, and even more awesome looking cupcakes, but I didn't have any of those either.  I seriously could have put on a bathing suit and swim goggles and taken a dip in the frosting.  My son didn't finish his cupcake and when it was in my hand on the way to the trash there was a very BIG little voice inside my head saying, "Oh just have one lick!".  However, I chose to listen to the other little voice that was saying, "Don't do it!  It's NOT worth it!"  I feel like I'm on "The Biggest Loser" sometimes. :-)

Day after Thanksgiving Blues

Yesterday was tough for me.  I think I get depressed after a holiday because it's such a letdown that it's over.  I also think I was depressed because I had dessert on Thanksgiving and I think I'm super sensitive to sugar.  I have read some places that it's a depressant and I think I believe that.  I was moody and sad yesterday, and I was craving more dessert almost all day. 
 Well, today is a new day and I'm off to the gym in a little while.  Time to burn burn burn some fat fat fat.  FIGHT ON!!

I'm giving myself an A- for Thanksgiving

Well, I wasn't as perfect as I had hoped, but I was gosh darn close!  I worked out in the morning, which is an A+, and I didn't have any rolls or cranberry Sauce at dinner because both are not "acceptable" foods on my current diet (another A+ move).  I had stuffing, which is not on the diet, but I had planned on having some well before Thanksgiving (I can't eat Thanksgiving dinner and not have stuffing, that's just not right).  However, I did end up having some dessert, which I wasn't going to do.  I had a slice of apple pie but didn't eat the crust (so basically I ate cooked apples with sugar and cinnamon), I had a bite of pumpkin pie (and by a bite I  literally mean I had one mouthful),  and I had a small chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.  Because of those things I'm dropping my grade down to an A-  :-).  But if you look at my history of dessert eating at Thanksgiving compared to what I ate yesterday I should be getting an A+ with extra credit, because I have never ever....never never ever ever....eaten so little for dessert.  YIPEE YAHOO for me!
Oh, and one other thing, we didn't bring any desserts home with us so I have no temptations in the house.  I know me well and I know I'm not yet strong enough to resist so well two days in a row.  Out of sight out of mind (well, maybe not out of mind...but WELL out of reach!).

Workout Completed!

Just got back from the gym and it was JAMMIN there!  I guess I'm not the only one trying to get the metabolism going before gobbling up dinner. :-)  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

I'm bringing two veggie side dishes to my parent's house and plan on hitting the gym in the morning.  No dessert for me tomorrow, and I'm dealing with that (I have my strong moments and then my sad moments).  I'll have coffee after we have our Turkey dinner and I might buy a Lara Bar to eat just for something sweet.  A Lara Bar has no sugar and is sweetened with dates (which I'm not supposed to have either, but it's Thanksgiving for crying out loud so I might allow myself a few freakin dates!).  I've actually had a "Carrot Cake" Lara Bar before and it was pretty good, so that might be an option.  Other than that I'm trying to treat tomorrow like any other day by eating appropriate portion sizes and exercising.  Wish me luck (and good luck to all of you!)!

I'm not craving dessert!!!!

I just realized that for the past several days my cravings/obsessing over desserts and candy have significantly decreased.  You have NO idea how good it feels to not be obsessing over some type of dessert every. single. day.  I mean to be be perfectly honest, I felt like I was being tortured (mentally).  I wanted to stop eating the stuff, and I wanted to lose weight, but I absolutely couldn't get the overwhelming need/desire to get a "sweet treat" out of my mind.  I'm not saying that I'm not craving sweets at all, it's just that the cravings are not consuming every ounce of my being.  It's no cake walk yet (no pun intended), but it's a heck of a lot better than it was! :-)

Weigh in for Monday 11/22

I lost 2 pounds this past week making my grand total thus far, TEN POUNDS! 

NO COOKIES! I Repeat, NO COOKIES!!

I've been making chocolate chip cookies (from scratch) for Thanksgiving for the last 15 years (?).  I put a question mark because I'm guessing on the number of years. It could be more or it could be less, but 15  is about right.  This year however, there will be NO cookies.  I made the decision not to make them a few days ago.   I called my mom to make sure it was okay that I didn't make them and bring them over and she said, "that's fine" without any hesitation.  It was a tough decision because I don't want to deprive others of the chewy, chocolaty, melty goodness (I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything, but they're REALLY good...after 15 or so years, it qualifies one as a MASTER chocolate chip cookie maker :-).  But this year, it's about ME, and I don't know if I would be strong enough to make them and not eat them (and by "them" I mean the cookies that actually make it OUT of the oven, this doesn't even count the dough I would have to refrain from shoveling into my mouth...not that I've EVER shoveled large amounts of dough into my mouth :-).
Had I not been cutting out ALL sugar for the next two months, I don't know what my decision would have been regarding the cookies.  Honestly, I think I would have made them and told myself that I would only have one.  However, I've been down that road before in the last year (or lifetime :-), and I KNOW that one would turn into 5 within one sitting.  I know ME and I know I wouldn't be able to stop.  It doesn't matter what anyone says about "just eat it in moderation", because there is NO moderation with me when it comes to something like a homemade chocolate chip cookie.  So this year, I'll have none and be okay with it, even if part of me is sad.  Fight!  Fight! Fight!!!!!

Survived my first REAL Temptation

Today I had a trial run for what awaits me on Thanksgiving.  We went to a friend's house after watching a Thanksgiving Day Parade, and there was A LOT of food.  For those of you who have been following the blog you know I'm detoxing from sugar  in addition to dieting, so there a lot of things I can't eat.  These are the foods that were available to me:  baked beans, meatballs, ham, baked mac and cheese, dinner rolls, kale soup (it's a veggie soup made with a spicy meat), salad, pumpkin pie, apple crisp and brownies.  What I ate:  A big bowl of the Kale soup and a plate of salad.  I've NEVER been to a party and NOT had dessert, EVER!  NEVER EVER!  Part of me was very sad that I couldn't have any, but part of me felt empowered because I knew I was doing the right thing, AND because "I" was in control.  Oh, and I was at the gym this morning :-)  I'm GOING to do this!  I am GOING to LOSE this weight!!

I would really love to hear from people

Hello everyone!  Well, the blog is almost at 1,500 visits :-).  I would love to hear from people, even if I don't know you.  As I've said before, you can leave a comment and I'll be the only one who sees it.  If you don't want it published just tell me and I won't publish it.  However, I have no way of commenting back to you if I don't publish it, so I would need your email address, or know your full name (if you're on FB) and then I can send you a message. 
Have a great night and weekend (and don't let the weekend be an excuse to blow all the hard work you've put in during the week :-). Uh oh, I just realized that when I first started this blog I said I wouldn't give advice, and I just did.  Hmmm, well I guess I'm giving some advice now :-)  HOWEVER, I'm also more than happy to take advice too.
Oh, and one more thing, if you're struggling, it's okay.  I was doing great mentally this morning (as you can tell by my post from earlier today) but then by tonight I was having HUGE cravings for LARGE amounts of everything I'm not supposed to be eating! I had a "trying" afternoon with my little kids, and I got very depressed and just wanted to say, "SCREW IT!! I'm getting CAKE!"  It was very very tough, but I made it through the cravings, and being both angry and sad that I couldn't eat what I really wanted to eat.  Onward with the fight!

W.O.R.K. - O.U.T.

While pushing roughly 60 pounds of children and stroller up a hill today, I came up with this post.  I've been feeling VERY strong emotionally lately, and I feel like I'm gaining endurance and becoming stronger physically. Working out has been a HUGE factor in improving my physical, emotional and psychological well-being.

W - WANT and WIN.  WANT to LOSE weight MORE than you WANT to keep eating the way you have been.  Win your life back by being in charge again, instead of having food be in charge of you.
O - OVERCOME.  Overcome thoughts that tell you things like, "I can't do it." or "It will be too hard." or "It will take too long." or "Other people can do it, but not me."
R - REACH.  Reach beyond the limits you've set in your mind and push yourself to do more.
K - KNOW.  Know what you like to do for exercise so you'll be more likely to do it!
O - OUTSHINE.  Outshine the "old" you every next day.  Be a better you on Tuesday than you were Monday, on Wednesday than you were Tuesday, on Thursday than you were Wednesday, in November than you were in October, in 2011 than you were in 2010!
U. - UNDERSTAND.  Understand that EVERYBODY tries and fails several times in their lives.  But also understand that the people who achieve their goals, are the ones who have fallen but then stand back up again and continued on.
T. - TRIUMPH.  Be triumphant by reaching your goal and then setting new goal.  Be proud of YOURSELF!

ALL Aboard!

Well, it looks like my healthy eating has also gotten other people on the Healthy Express.  My husband, who happily weighs less than me (that was sarcasm), has not eaten any candy at work, from the lady who has candy at her desk ALL. THE. TIME., and he's been taking his vitamins and doing a morning exercise routine of sit-ups and push-ups before work.  Also, a good friend of mine told me that she was in Walgreens a few weeks ago and was ready to go down the candy isle and stopped and said, "What would Colleen do?  I laughed because she told me that she chose not to go down the isle at all, which isn't "exactly" what I would have done.  "I" would have gone down the isle and tortured myself looking at the candy for a while, and then I would have walked away, sad and having a pity party because I couldn't have any.
Anyway, if you've joined the fast track to weight loss (and by "fast track" I mean "slow and steady wins the race") with me or you're just an observer, I'm glad you're here.  I'm having the best week I've had in well over a year, part of it is because I'm following that "Candida Action Plan" and I know exactly what I'm supposed to eat, and part of it is because I'm finally on my own team to losing weight and getting healthy.   I WANT to lose weight MORE than I WANT to eat whatever I want.  I feel like I've hit a huge milestone.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

It's only been in the past few weeks now that I've really taken a good look at the way I had been living, and have acknowledged the things I had been doing to make it seem like I wasn't getting heavier, or that I still looked the same as I always had.  The first thing I realized:  I hadn't really looked at myself in the mirror in a long time.  I would take a quick glance while getting dressed, but that was it.  I think it's because REALLY  looking at oneself forces you to be honest with yourself, and I wasn't ready  to do that.  AND it was because I didn't want to be sad.  I knew that if I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror and saw the way I actually looked, it might be unbearable.  The second thing I realized:  I was ignoring the fact that I had outgrown clothes that fit me.   How did  I achieve this?  All summer long I wore three things, a pair of maternity shorts, and two different cotton-stretch black skirts.  As long as those fit, I didn't even have to think about the jean skirt or pair of jeans that fit me in May but didn't fit in August.  As long as all my elastic waist band stuff fit, I was doing great (or so I thought in my "making up excuses way of thinking").  However, by the end of the summer, even my "safety" clothes were getting tight (even the maternity shorts).  I was also ignoring JEWELRY that no longer fit!  I had to take off my both my wedding band and an antique engagement ring that I wear on my other hand because my fingers were too swollen for them.  I mean, COME ON!  My WEDDING BAND not fitting should have been motivation enough to lose some weight!!!
So what have I done?  Well, I've started looking at myself in the mirror and have taken ownership of the fat on my body.  I REALLY want to SEE it!  Do you know why?  Because I want to remember how I look now, so that I can SEE the changes when the weight comes off.  I'm doing it so I can be proud of myself.  What else have I done?  I've set some goals.  The jeans and the jean skirt are not only going to fit, but they're going to become too big, because I bought both of them when I was already overweight to begin with.  And of course, I'm going to wear my rings again, because I deserve it, and my husband does too.

My thoughts on "The Biggest Loser"

I'm watching "The Biggest Loser" right now and you know what's really nice?  Seeing some of these women, who are under professional guidance for both working out and diet, only lose one pound in a week at some of these weigh-ins.  It just makes ME feel better about what I'm doing.  EVEN if I do everything RIGHT, I still might have a low weight loss week.  I mean, those women are working out like it's their JOB on that show.  They work out like 4+ hours a day, every day, all week, and they still don't lose a lot of weight sometimes.  I'M a stay-at-home mom, who works out for 1 hour, 4 times a week AT BEST.  In addition, I'm SURROUNDED by FOOD all day, every day.  I basically live in my kitchen preparing meals and snacks for my children ALL. DAY. LONG. And my kids are NOT on diets, and I have to NOT EAT their food.  I'm not saying I give them crap, but I'm not watching their calories either.  I guess it's just nice to see that even people in the "fake" world of "The Biggest Loser" still have it tough sometimes, too. :-)
(An afterthought:  Just to be clear, I DON'T expect to lose a lot of weight each week like they sometimes do on TBL.  Maybe this post was mean or kind of like a "misery loves company" type thing, but I just feel like my weight is coming off SO SLOW, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone.)

Dissapointed but not giving up

I should probably just tell my weight versus what I've been doing, which is saying I'm up two or down 1.  When I started this I was 212.  The week before the birthday weekend I was 203, the Monday after I was 206 (that was one week ago).  And YES, I know i shouldn't be on the scale so much.  Anyway, I was 204 this morning, which I'm kind of bummed about.  I'm just bummed because of what I let myself eat last weekend and what it did to me.  I've been putting in a lot of hard work and to see it all change because of one weekend of poor choices, makes me sad.  But you know what, it was actually more than one weekend, it started with brownie batter the Thursday before and ended with more brownies and ice cream the Monday after.  So no, it wasn't one weekend, it was 5 days (if I'm being honest).  Well, enough of dwelling on the past.  I've been doing EXCELLENT since last Tuesday and I'm sure the scale and how my clothes are feeling will reflect that by next Monday.

For those of you who are fighting too, Keep FIGHTING!!!!

Best Weekend Yet!

I'm happy to say that I worked out both Saturday and Sunday and I haven't had ANYTHING  with sugar in it in 3 days.  Just to be clear, I haven't eaten a dessert since last Monday but I haven't eaten SUGAR, at all, since Thursday.  What does that mean?  Well, if you've read my "HEALTH Fight" post, you'll know I'm trying to eliminate yeast from my system, which means I can't have sugar, but I also can't have anything with white flour, pasta, milk (yes, there are sugars in milk), white rice, anything with wheat...etc. etc.  You would be AMAZED at how many foods contain sugar, and when you give up sugar it really limits you.  It FORCES you to eat healthy! :-)  It's been tough at times, but  I'm determined to do this.  In addition to the diet, I have to take several supplements to help clean out and strengthen my system.  The supplements include cod liver oil (YUMMY!), Magnesium Glycinate, a probiotic, a B-Complex vitamin, grapefruit seed extract etc. etc.   It's only for two months and then I can begin adding foods, one at a time, to my diet to see how my body reacts.  I'm really excited to do this and I'm hopeful that I'm going to start feeling a lot better.  For a long time now I've suffered from so many of the symptoms associated with a yeast imbalance (see the "HEALTH Fight" post for the list), and  I'm eager to see if they start going away.
I'll post again in the morning after I "weigh-in".  Fingers crossed that I've lost weight from my lowest weight yet, but that might be tough considering ALL the food I ate last weekend for the birthday weekend.  Wish me luck!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S Saturday Night!!!.....

.....AND it's my anniversary, and I'm going to the gym.  Jeff and I went out for lunch to celebrate, and now it's time to burn some fat.  ( I did excellent at lunch, by the way).  I'm feeling GOOD!

HEALTH Fight

I crave sweets in an abnormal way, period.  I haven't had any dessert since Monday (thank you very much), but it's been a daily battle of fighting some pretty strong cravings.   I realize that most of my posts revolve around talking about trying to cut out sweets/desserts, because I feel that eating them is what has put me in the situation that I'm in.  I'm also finally believing that, "you are what you eat" AND I'm looking at food, sugar in particular, as a drug, a drug that over the course of the past several years (at least the last 5), has wreaked havoc on my body.  I would be a fool to think that I could eat the amount of sugar and simple carbohydrates that I've been eating, and NOT have it negatively affect my body.  What do I think has happened?  I think I have a yeast imbalance.  I feel that because of the amount of sugar that I've eaten I have an over abundance of yeast in my body (I know..it sounds gross), and this is why I'm continually craving sugar (the yeast needs it to grow...again, yuck!).  The following is list of symptoms that accompany a  yeast imbalance:  (I have put  my symptoms in CAPS)

DETECTING A YEAST IMBALANCE
We all carry some yeast (fungus-like organisms called Candida) in our bodies. Most of us are
born with it. When yeast thrives and becomes “the host” instead of the “guest,” we call it a yeast
imbalance. It has been an extremely common, yet often unrecognized nutritional concern since
the early 1980’s.
Common factors related to yeast imbalance include:

•  CHRONIC SINUS CONDITIONS
• EXCESS MUCUS IN THE NASAL PASSAGES/THROAT/CHEST
  • Recurring vaginal and/or stool mucus
• Frequent or long-term use of antibiotics, such as tetracycline for acne
• FREQUENT USE OF BROAD-SPECTRUM ANTIBIOTICS FOR RECURRENT INFECTIONS, SUCH AS IN THE EARS, BLADDER, VAGINA OR THROAT 
• **Repeated exposure to indoor mold (in the home and/or workplace)
• SENSITIVITY TO MOLDS, DAMPNESS AND PERFUME SMELLS
• Birth control pills use in women
• PREMENSTRUAL SYMPTOMS
• Recurrent vaginal yeast infections in women or prostate problems in men
• Regular use of cortisone-type drugs
• Chronic ingestion of simple carbohydrates with low protein intake
• CRAVINGS FOR SWEETS, BREADS OR ALCOHOL
• MENTAL SYMPTOMS SUCH AS DEPRESSION, MOOD SWINGS, OR CONFUSSION
• Recurrent skin fungus infections, such as ringworm, ATHLETE'S FOOT, “jock itch”, or nail
problems
• DIGESTIVE BLOATING, SYSTEMIC FLUID RETENTION
• Leaky gut
• Continuous weight gain (and belly fat), even with strict dieting
If you have three or more factors, you most likely have a yeast imbalance. Stress is not a major
causative factor, but if acute or chronic, it exacerbates the problem. There are specific blood and
stool tests that can detect levels of Candida, which can be run through most diagnostic labs.

Although I haven't been tested, I would be shocked if I DIDN'T have a  yeast imbalance.  Oh,and the "stress" thing?  I got SHINGLES last year because I was so stressed, so YES, I believe stress is exacerbating the problem.

I not only want to lose weight but I want to get healthy as well.  Because of this I'm going to be starting a very strict two month "Yeast Free Diet".  The goal here is to fix my body, get healthy and lose weight while doing it.  (I got the information above  from the "Candida Action Plan", that  I purchased through Nutritional Concepts (www.nutrionalconcepts.com).

Ho Hum Ho Hum I feel it in my Bum!

Well, I'm back.  It wasn't the two hour workout I had planned on, but it was more than I've done in a long long time.  I rode the elliptical machine for 55 minutes, and did several "sprints" on it i.e., I would put the machine on a really hard resistance and go all out for a minute, and then bring the resistance down and go slow for a minute.  I burned 640 calories, Not. Too. Shabby!!  I was also going to try and do some weights afterward, but I seriously (and I'm not kidding) almost fell asleep on the mat when I was stretching.  I was lying on my back stretching my hamstrings and I think I started dreaming (kidding). 

Anyway, I'm making some butternut squash soup and an egg white omelet with veggies for dinner.  YUM!!

Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to work-out I go....

I'm off to the gym to do my "Biggest Loser" workout (I'm laughing right now).  I won't have Jillian Michael's there to push me but I'm going to push it - HARD!  Still no desserts...almost 48 hours under my belt, and I've been eating healthy today.  Time to shed some pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tough Tough Day

I didn't have any dessert today, and it was tough.  I had to conquer several mental battles and I was not a nice person to be around.  I don't know how many times I apologized to my kids today for being "so upset".  THIS is when it counts though, AFTER the Holiday, or after the birthday, or after the anniversary, etc.  I have to learn how to put the brakes on AFTER a celebration.  Yesterday I didn't, I ate brownies and I ended up having some ice cream too.  Today I wanted sweets SO BAD, but I didn't have any.  They say cravings only last 20 minutes, and to find something to do while the craving is happening, HA!  What if your cravings keep coming every 20 minutes??  Anyway, today was a victory because I stopped with the sugar, but it (and my mom will not like this) SUCKED!!!

It's GO Time!!!!

I've been floundering.  I don't know if it's the fact that I've had the upcoming (but now past) birthdays looming over my head or what, but I haven't been putting in 100% effort, and I know that.  I think there's also still some denial about what I weigh and how much I have to lose.  I know that I want to lose the weight and I also know that part of me is terrified to try.  Anyway, I've GOT to try, and try harder, because I DO NOT want to stay this way.  Against my better judgment, I weighed myself this morning and I'm up three pounds.  Given what I ate this weekend, that's about right, but it still bums me out.  There was a day when I could eat like that and not gain anything, but that passed by probably 15 years ago!!!

Now it's time to buckle down and DO what I've set out to do.  Back when I was living at my parent's house I used to go on this awesome bike ride to the beach and back, it was 15 miles round trip.  The ride was chock full of hills, not an easy ride.  However, the two most difficult hills were the last two, when my legs would be burning and I didn't think I could take much more.  Do you know what I would do?  I would push it harder and I would always sing, Rob Base "Joy and Pain": "Joy and Pain, Like Sunshine and Rain, come on come on pump it up (okay, so that part may have been my add in)" and I would just keep repeating it over and over again, until those hills were done.  I've GOT to tackle this massive hill that I'm up against....time to get portions under control, and start eliminating "bad" fats and "bad" sugars out of my diet!!!

Oh Crap!

I was in such a good place this morning and then as morning crept on and it started to become late morning and now noontime, my cravings for sweets have increasingly grown.  I think I would still be okay (i.e., made it through the day "sweets free"),  if I hadn't discovered the container of brownies that I had forgotten were in the fridge.  Long story short, I made a batch for my son's school party last week that had come out way undercooked, and instead of tossing them, I saved them because I was thinking of using them to decorate his cake (I was going to use them as the gravel for a race track).  I ended up not using them, and then forgot they were here.

I opened the container and just stared at them.  A HUGE part of me just kept saying, "PUT THEM IN THE GARBAGE BECAUSE YOU'LL EAT THEM" and then another part of me said, "JUST ONE BITE!"  About 4 mouthfuls later, here I am, and they are finally in the trash.  I'm trying not to get down on myself about this.  They say don't bring sweets into your house thinking you'll be strong enough not to eat them, because you won't be.  I used to think that was only for people who were weak, people who had no self-control, people who had no willpower.  That person is me :-).  I'm not strong enough to have that kind of stuff in my house and not eat it.  Maybe someday I will be, but not now.  Time to remember that this is not a failure, but a mistake that I must get past, and learn from.  Back to fighting fat...again.

Setting a Goal

It's about 7 weeks until Christmas, which is downright frightening!  Only SEVEN weeks??!!!  I better get shopping!  Anyway, my goal is to lose 1-2 pounds per week until Christmas.  I'M DOING THIS!  In seven weeks I'm hoping to be anywhere from 7-14 pounds thinner!! 

The Birthday Weekend is OVER!

The two day, two party, and one out to dinner weekend is OVER...Thank Goodness!!!  I had a GREAT weekend and you know what?  I ate what I wanted.  I didn't go crazy with my eating, but I didn't set limits on myself and I feel great, mentally (physically, a little bloated maybe, but not too bad).  The VERY BEST part?  I'm ready to start right back up again with my healthy eating, which is a HUGE accomplishment.  At the end of the final party yesterday I trashed any leftover cake and all the chips.  It wasn't easy doing it, part of me was truly sad, but it had to be done and it's good that it's done. 

So in summary:  Did I have cake this weekend?  yes.  Did I have too much cake this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have bread when I went out to dinner with my mom?  yes.  Did I have 2 pieces of bread? yes. Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have pizza this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have chips this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have ice cream this weekend? yes.  Am I beating myself up about it? no.  Did I gain weight this past weekend?  yes (well, I haven't weighed myself but you do the math).  Do I have a goal this week?  YES! Eat right, exercise and be down one pound from the weight I was when I weighed myself last Friday.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record with my posts, but  my mental victories are just as important, if not more important, than actual weight loss victories.  To be in such a good place mentally today AND to be ready to start up again LOSING weight is SO awesome for me! 

Happy Birthday to ME!

I'm down 1 1/2 pounds from the last time I weighed in.  Although that's not much for 2 weeks, I'm chalking it up to having a good week this past week and kind of a disaster of a week the week before (that's when we had the medical emergency, and I had my "monthly friend"..blah blah blah).  So in all, I've lost 8.5 pounds since starting this journey.
Had I NOT started this journey when I did, and had I NOT gotten mad enough at myself to WANT to be on my own team and get my health in check, this could have EASILY been an 8 pound gain in the same amount of time.  I'm feeling stronger and I've noticed an ability to contract my abdominal muscles once again...haven't been able to do THAT in a while!

Workout - DONE!

It didn't happen until 8pm tonight, but it happened.....400 calories burned.  Feels good!!

Good Morning and THANK YOU!

I started this blog 2 weeks and 5 days ago and it's been viewed 1,000 times!  It wouldn't be as much fun writing this blog if people weren't reading it, and people ARE reading it!!  Thank you to those who have given support and advice, and I hope those of you who are trying to lose weight are finding some support, or are at least having your own thoughts and your own struggles affirmed, by reading this.  You're not crazy for thinking what you think.  That is what I tell myself daily.  I used to tell myself things like, "I'm the only nut who thinks this way" and now I know I was wrong.  There are MANY other nuts out there that think exactly the same way I do. :-)
Even though I had a big brownie blunder yesterday I'm not letting it get me down.  Today is a new day, and it WILL be a day without dessert.  It WILL be a day of portion control.  It WILL be a day of good choices.  It WILL be a day with exercise.  And most importantly, it WILL be a day of positive thinking!

Brownie Battle!!!!

I totally forgot that I had to bring a treat to my son's class tomorrow for his birthday.  He told me that he wanted brownies with blue frosting.  He's going to be 5 and that's a big deal, so I decided to make him what he wanted (even if it's slightly strange).  I chose to make the brownies myself because there is a child with a peanut allergy in the class, and I knew homemade brownies would be safe.  Long story short, I fear I've done a little too much batter, frosting and brownie sampling today.
On the positive side, I demonstrated self control and did not eat scoop after scoop after scoop of batter, like I did a few months ago (and no worries, there was no "double dipping" :-).  On the negative side, I probably ate the total of two rather large brownies with frosting.  On the positive side, I'm not calling myself a "lost cause" or a "failure" for the day, which in the past has led me to further binging for the rest of the day and possibly days to come.  On the negative side, there is a weekend of birthdays coming up with more desserts in store, and I fear I might lose sight of what I'm trying to accomplish, and instead get DEEP into a one track mind of "sugar sugar SUGAR!!".
I think this means that not going to the gym tomorrow is NOT an option (I was planning on going anyway, but now I REALLY need to make sure I go), and I am going to have to make a very big effort to get to the gym Saturday, even if it means I'm there at the crack of dawn!!  I'm trying to get rid of my brownie butt for crying out loud, not add a new one!!

Working out

I went to the gym  this morning, and raked leaves yesterday and the day before.  Want a good leg workout?  Rake leaves and then squat down to pick them up over and over and over and over and over (you get the picture) again.   Holy heck my legs are sore.  I'll try to get one more workout in tomorrow before the BIG BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!  In a perfect world I would also like to workout Saturday morning, but I live in the real world, and in the real world, I have ten 4 and 5 year old children and a bounce house coming to my house for my son's party (a workout is not going to happen).

A Novel Idea!

I just had a thought that maybe I should eat when I'm HUNGRY.  I know I know, it's a mind blowing concept.  Eating when my body tells me that it NEEDS food, versus eating just because it's noon, or "dinner time", or "snack time", etc.  (I hope the sarcasm is coming across).  But in all seriousness, I feel like we're all conditioned  to eat at certain times because that's what we've always done, or maybe we eat out of boredom, or habit, etc.  We don't listen to our bodies (some people might be laughing right now...it's an old story :-) anymore.  It's something that Weight Watchers stresses, know when you're ravenous, a little hungry, satisfied, full, ready to pop (or something like that)...I guess I just wasn't ready to listen to that advice until now. 
Well, I'm hungry (and more than just a "little" bit hungry.. it's heading towards ravenous).  I'm going to have a huge glass of water before I eat (because I'll eat the house if I don't), and then I'm going to have a veggie burrito.  Okay...that's two posts for today...the movie that my kids are watching is almost over...time to eat and then be a good mom :-)...see you all tomorrow!

Could Have Done Without THAT!

Well, if I didn't have good enough reason to lose weight, I sure as s%!t  (sorry again for the "swearing") have one now.  I read to my son's class a few weeks ago and the teacher took pictures of me while I was reading.  She gave them to me today.   They look like they were done up professionally on one large piece of paper (I fear she has made them for ALL the students to take home!!).  At the top is a picture of me (whole body profile shot) reading to the class, and the picture below is the whole class wearing the masks that I brought in for them.
I'm very very good at self deprecating humor (and I know the people who love me most don't think it's funny), so I'll refrain from saying what I really want to say, and just say, "I was having a great hair/makeup day that day."  As for the rest of me?  Well, let's just say I'm glad I decided to turn things around when I did....Good Lord!

Old Habits Die HARD!

I had to go out shopping tonight for a few gifts and for some food.  For the past year going out at night, on a weekday night, after a looooooooong day with the kids, has meant two things, 1. I go out and actually buy what it was that we needed, and 2.  I've gotten some type of "treat" for myself  i.e., something at the bakery at Whole Foods, or some type of candy.  I've actually been nervous to go out at night shopping because I know that there are so many temptations out there AND because I have a habit that needs to be broken.  I'm home now and I'm happy to say that I didn't buy any treats for myself, but it wasn't easy.  It wasn't easy AT ALL!
I get to the first store, TJ Maxx, and right as I walk in I have to pass this huge display of dark chocolate bars.  I'm not one to swear or anything, but why the *#$! does TJ Maxx have to have CANDY?!  It's a CLOTHING/HOME GOODS STORE for crying out loud!!  Then I go to AC Moore (a craft store).  Once again, I had to make it past the candy display at the front of the CRAFT STORE!  I'm not going to lie, I stopped and stared at the candy at BOTH stores, but I walked away empty handed.
When I got to the car and went to put my bags in the back I realized that I had my HUSBAND'S CAR, and the Halloween candy was WITH ME!  I grabbed a Reese's pb cup, got in the front seat, and I held it in my hand.  I was going to eat it, and then I said "NO!"  I'd been so good today and I wasn't about to throw it all out the window (well actually, I could have thrown the Reese's out the window)!!  I chucked it in the back seat.  I almost cried.
Where did I go next?  Whole Foods!  There is stuff there on sale this week that I HAD to get.  Yes yes, I could have sent my husband but I was already out and knew what I needed to get.  Did I go through the bakery section?  Yes.  Was it torture?  Yes.  Did I get anything?  No.  Did I feel like my head was going to explode and that I would burst into tears?  Yes.
HUGE MASSIVE SIGH.  I'm home now and I'm dessert free...another victory....and it was a tough victory (I'm feeling a little like Rocky tonight...that shopping experience beat the crap out of me mentally).

A few responses

Hi out there.  Just wanted you to know that I just got a comment from someone that said, "trying to post a comment."  I wanted you to know that whatever you did, you did correctly because I was able to read that :-)

I also just got a comment from someone talking about sugar being an addiction relating it to heroin.  Can you let me know if it's okay for me to post what you said?  (by the way, thank you for the comment, and I agree).  Also, just to let people know, I joined a sugar support forum last year that was just for women.  It's called First Ourselves, By Karly Randolph Pitman.  Although I haven't been actively involved in the the First Ourselves forum in a while, it was really nice to know that I wasn't alone in my sugar sensitivity/addiction.  If you google "First Ourselves" you can get a ton more info.  I hope that helps :-)

Curious

I started this blog 2 weeks ago, yesterday.  Would you like to take a guess as to how  many times it's been viewed?  Are you ready?  850!  Wow!  That's A LOT of viewings!  I'm flattered that so many of you seem to enjoy my ramblings, and I also hope that this blog is a help to some of you.  I have heard from a few people that have told me that this is good support for them, and from other people who have given me some great advice and suggestions.  Thank you ( you know who you are).

I would love to know more about who is viewing this blog.  Unless you're painfully shy or embarrassed to be here (I hope not :-), would you mind sending a comment to me telling me who you are and why you're here?  The comment won't get posted (unless you tell me to post it), and if you want me to respond back you'll have to give me your email address (I can't comment on a comment unless I post it and I would love to write back if you want me to). 

Thank you again for reading this and following along.  Obviously writing a blog is more fun if you know people are reading it, and I'm glad so many of you are.

Now let's keep fighting some fat!

In the Zone

Want to know how I know I'm in the "weight loss/healthy eating" zone?  (I know I know, you're all on the edge of your seats).  Over half my plate at dinner was veggies, and my snacks today were mainly fruits and vegetables.  I had protein and dairy and grains (blah blah blah) for part of my meals and as part of some of my snacks, but there were VEGGIES GALORE today!  You might find yourself asking, "But Colleen, veggies are SO boring!"  And to that I would say, "NO NO, YOU are boring!"  Just kidding.  No, I would say, "you have to know how to prepare your veggies!"  Some things I like to do?  Add caramelized onions to steamed veggies.  I make the onions with EVOO and about two tsp of sugar and balsamic vinegar, then I take a portion of them and add them to steamed broccoli/carrots/green beans and cut it all up together.  It really takes boring steamed veggies to a whole new level.  I've also started steaming broccoli, cauliflower, collard greens etc. in a large saute pan/skillet in vegetable broth.  It gives the veggies a nice flavor instead of steaming in water alone.  Sometimes I saute veggies (even frozen ones) with EVOO and then add a little bit of parmesan cheese or feta cheese to them...a little bit of these cheeses goes a long way and adds such great flavor.  Of course there's always raw veggies that can be dipped in humus or low fat dressing, but I find that boring and I got burnt out on making salads a few years ago.  Honestly, making salads is one of my least favorite things to do, especially in the winter.  Oh, and one more thing, I have a food processor and I LOVE cooking squash, cauliflower or potatoes in vegetable broth and then pureeing them to make soups.  You don't need cream or butter to have an awesome and totally flavorful creamed soup...just season to taste.  YUMMY!