The following is a blog entry that I wrote in July of 2009 (I posted it on another blog of mine). I had finally realized that I was never going to eat enough sweets to make me say, "I'm done. I'm done with desserts. I can't stand them anymore." What had happened (happens) with me is that I would tell myself, "Okay, if I just have this one hot fudge sundae then I will stop craving sweets, because this will satisfy the craving, and I'll be able to start eating healthy tomorrow. Well you know what? Tomorrow would come and I would say, "Okay, I just need to have a piece of chocolate cake, and then I won't crave sweets anymore, and I'll be able to start eating healthy tomorrow." Then the next tomorrow it would be a brownie, then the next tomorrow it would be cheesecake etc. etc. Before long I would get into such a deep rut of doing this that I would end up saying, "Okay, if I just have this one BIG massive dessert/chocolate binge day then I'll get it all out of my system, and then I will REALLY be able to start fresh tomorrow. (I'm sure you've guessed by now- 40 pounds later- that tomorrow never really came).
So with all that said, here is my post from over a year ago:
"So it has finally happened. The epiphany I have been waiting for most of my adult life. The "ah ha" moment needed to finally stop the madness, the binging without the purging, the mindless shoveling of desserts into my mouth as if they were all going to vanish from planet earth in the next hour. I have finally realized this - THERE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH - there will never be enough desserts that I can fill into my pie hole (pun intended), to satisfy me. And do you know what? That gives me the peace I have been craving (no pun intended) to know that I CAN have one piece of cake and stop. I now know that eating half a pan of brownies, a chocolate bar, an ice cream sundae, chocolate chip cookies (I could go on) in one weekend DOES NOT max me out. There are not enough desserts in the world that will ever make me say, "No no, I couldn't possibly eat that slab of chocolate cake because I'm sick of dessert. I now know this! Whatever hole I'm trying fill will never be filled, so now I can stop trying to fill it! I can stop after one piece of cake! I can stop after one sundae! I can stop after 2 chocolate chip cookies :-)~
So now as I log off, I'm off to go eat my ONE bowl of ice cream.
I hope!"
So now as I sit typing this on October 21st, 2010 I have to ask myself, Do I believe this and am I capable of doing it? Can I have a piece of cake on a Sunday and then not eat any more desserts for days or weeks afterward? I better figure it out fast though because my birthday, my mom's birthday, and my son's birthday are all coming up in early November. Not to mention Halloween, Thanksgiving, my other daughter's birthday, Christmas, and then my other daughter's birthday, which are all coming up in the next few months. I feel like what's coming up could make me or break me. I would love suggestions, thoughts, comments on this post :-)
Colleen...those are isolated days where you can allow yourself to treat your "sweet tooth"...its the days in between that count the most. If you have one piece of cake on your birthday, its not going to make or break you. It's natural to satisy urges. Don't let these be excuses to binge and swear off dieting till the new year...cause it won't work. Take the mindset of an alcoholic, or anyone with an an addiction and play that above scenario out. Out of sight...out of mind.
ReplyDeleteActually Mike, it REALLY could make or break me. History (my history) has shown that once I start I can't stop. A true alcoholic cannot just have ONE drink and stop. I have to decide right now what my plan is i.e., am I going to have a piece of cake at Brian's party (the day of my birthday) on Saturday, and then have another piece of cake on Brian's actual birthday on Sunday? Or am I only going to have a piece on my birthday. Can I handle two days of cake and then stop on Monday? Can I eat cake on Saturday and then watch everyone else have cake on Sunday, while I don't have any? There are some major cycles that I have to break, cycles that have been there since childhood. Honestly, I think I'm strong enough to stop after the weekend, but this past year (and maybe it was the antidepressant?) my NEED to have sweets COMPLETELY outweighed any need or desire I had to lose weight. I continued eating desserts, even when my doctor told me that my bad cholesterol was high and that I HAD to lose weight and cut out desserts. (I don't have to tell you how addictions work). But again, thank you for your feedback. :-)
ReplyDeleteI say you make cupcakes for your birthday and/or Brian's and ONLY make ONE for each person. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice Elena. Brian wants a cake. Whatever doesn't get eaten will be sent home with other people. (I had thought cupcakes too, but Brian was quite specific on wanting a cake :-)
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