See. You. Later. 2010!!!

These have been a very tough couple of weeks (both dieting and in a bunch of other ways).   I'm looking forward to getting back into a normal routine on Monday.  I'm hoping to get to the gym tomorrow (it's been at least 1 1/2 weeks since I've been), and to start eating right again.

I'm back

It's been a week since I've posted.  Let's just say I'm going to fold up this past week and tuck it away, or throw it away, and forget about it.  I'm ready to fight fat again.  Forward ho!

Trying to Stay Mentally TOUGH this week!

There are a lot of temptations this week.  A LOT!  I've been doing good with resisting them thus far and I hope to continue to be good.  Aaaaaah!  It's just sooo stressful!!!  I've been in the house with my kids A LOT, and they've been screaming and fighting, A LOT!  I did something to my lower back and so I have to be careful with what I'm doing for exercise.  And of course, Christmas is coming up on Saturday.  I'm not saying that I'm throwing in the towel this week, not at all, but I have a lot of obstacles I'm facing in trying to stay on track. 

I was at my parent's house yesterday and I resisted Andes mint candies, these chocolate cake swiss roll type things they had, chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and Russian tea cakes....but it was SO SO SO hard not to eat any!!!!  I'll be at a Christmas party tomorrow,  my neighbors will be bringing over Christmas goodies at some point this week (like we all do every year), my daughter's birthday is tomorrow, my in-laws are coming over for Christmas Eve dinner and dessert on Friday night, Christmas is Saturday, and my parent's are having a huge Christmas party on Sunday.

I better get some type of plan in place now...or I'm. in. trouble!!!!  I'm open to suggestions from people.  (hint hint, this means I'm REALLY hoping people put up some comments for me).

I Attempted Running Today.......

.........aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha....hahahahahaha.......hahahahaha.......hahaha....haha....ha!  Guess how it went?  :-)  Between my brother training for the LA Marathon (go Mike!) and all those previously morbidly obese people on The Biggest Loser  RUNNING a marathon, I figured "Well I'm sure I can run at least a mile!"  (At this point in the post you can refer back to the laughter up above.)  I "ran" half a mile (at most) when I started wheezing.  Soon after the wheezing I'm pretty sure my form turned into that of how a person would look running, after being shot in the upper right hamstring and/or buttocks.  I got home and my husband said, "you're back??" and I said, "running just isn't for me".  Well, at least winter running without an inhaler isn't for me.  I'll stick to the gym for now,where the air is warmer, and I'm less likely to embarrass myself, unless of course I fall off of some stationary piece of equipment.
I did a bit of a power walk after the "run".  I may not have been exercising for a long time, but it was better than nothing (unless you're one of the poor souls that passed me while I was "running." - they were probably wishing I HAD done nothing...or at least done it in private).

A PLEASANT SURPRISE!

Against my better judgment I decided to get on the scale today.  Not only am I down from the few pounds I had put on last week, but I'm also lower than my 13.5 pound weight loss.  I lost another 1.5 pounds, putting me at 197..and at a 15 pound weight loss!!!
Yes, I ate foods I should not have last week, but I also ate right a lot of the time, too.  I've also made huge gains mentally, which are helping on this journey.  I think the biggest thing is that I am not beating myself up and giving up, when I mess up.  I'm also really trying to look at history and not repeat the same patterns.  I'm am by no means perfect with this new process, but I'm getting better at it.  The other thing I'm trying to do is get rid of some of the stress on my body.  I can't get rid of the external stress surrounding me (which is everything that encompasses taking care of  and being concerned about  my little family), but I can do thing to help reduce the stress in my body, such as getting enough sleep, taking my vitamins/supplements, and of course, eating right. 
I haven't had any sugar since Monday (if you're new to this blog then you should know that sugar is my vice) and I've been back on track with my diet.  Yay me!

Just say NO....take two.

I went to a woman's prayer group tonight and there were goodies as far as the eye could see, but I didn't have any.  Yay me!

Got a workout in

I just did a free "on demand" aerobics workout....trying to get into healthy mode again!

Hello Monday

Time to get back on track today.  I'm staying away from the scale...too much cheese, chips, cake, ice cream, chocolate and alcohol this past weekend!  So far so good today.  I resisted a lot of the things I wanted to buy at the grocery store this morning, but I did get a muffin.  It was sweetened with fruit juice and not sugar, but it was  made with flour, which is a no no on my diet.  At least I didn't buy the chocolate chip scone that I REALLY REALLY wanted.  No excuses! Time to Just. Do. it!!

Out of the zone

Christmas party last night, gingerbread men cookies with the kids today, birthday celebration for my soon to be 2 year old tomorrow........I've fallen off the wagon.  I'm not upset with myself though.  It's actually been nice to take a mental break of sorts, and just go along with my day without carefully  planning every single thing I put in my mouth.  However, I'm sure I'm gaining weight so I'll be back on my complete "sugar free" diet on Monday.  I felt really really good when I wasn't eating sugar and now, well, I'm kind of feeling like crap.  Don't fret my followers, I'll be riding the wagon again real soon...full speed ahead!

I'm Still Here....(huge sigh)

Getting on the scale on Monday and seeing a number above 200 again really did a number on me.  I worked really hard last week and I got depressed to see that a day (maybe a day and a half) of getting off track (okay, WAY off track) made such a difference.  I went on a chocolate "bender" of sorts on Monday night (thank God it wasn't alcohol or my kids would have been like, "Daddy, why does mommy keep walking sideways into walls?").  I just started shoveling handful after handful after handful of chocolate chips into my mouth.  I also haven't been doing my "yeast eliminating" diet at all this week.  I've been eating fishy crackers, lasagna, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, hot chocolate, regular pasta, potato chips etc. etc. etc.  I've also been overeating since Monday.  I think part of it's depression over the weight gain, and I think part of it is me sabotaging my efforts.  I know that there is a part of me that doesn't think that I am really capable of losing all the weight and so I'm giving up.  However, I'm not completely giving up because I don't want to go back to the way I was, but I've certainly lost my focus and I'm having trouble getting it back.  I've got to work on believing in myself.
I also know that I'm overtired and emotionally drained, which is part of the issue.  My 3 year old daughter had to have a test done yesterday, which required me to get up with her at 4am...lovely.  In addition, there was a tragedy that happened in my town yesterday and I went to a prayer vigil last night for the family (it turns out that I knew one of the people who died, and I know several people who know the family very well).  The vigil didn't get out until 10pm, it was extremely emotional, and I cried a lot.  I just add all this because I know that overall health isn't just about diet and exercise, and for the past two days I haven't been in the best mental/physical state to be healthy.
I'm going to get to bed early tonight and hit the gym in the morning.  As of right now, I think it's best for me to stay away from the scale for a few weeks.  I've got to get mentally back in the game and I can't risk having the scale deflate my "feeling good about myself" balloon, again.

Can't take the weekend off - That's for Sure!!!!

After a week of eating right and exercising a lot, I'm up 2.5 pounds :-(  I blew it this weekend.  I made a lasagna that was a culinary masterpiece, and I ate about half the pan.  I also got into the potato chips yesterday (I don't usually buy them, but I did...and I'm paying for it), and I even had some peanuts with chocolate chips.  Basically, I not only totally blew my "no sugar" diet, but I blew pretty much every other diet out there. 
I'm back on track today....water water water and no sugar....I'm frustrated and down (but if I had to do it all over again, I would still eat the lasagna but would have nixed the chips, peanuts and chocolate chips).  Back to fighting!  Less than 3 weeks until Christmas and I want to be at least 5 pounds lighter by then!!

Work out work out work out work out work out.......

It's been a great week for working out.  I went walking Tuesday night, went to the gym Wednesday and Thursday morning, and went walking today.  I plan on hitting the gym tomorrow morning and will then take Sunday off.  I've also been keeping on track with my eating, but have been craving almost everything I'm not supposed to eat, which has been tough. 

December 3, 2010

 

I thought I would put up a picture of myself so I can start doing some before and after shots.  I'm not ready to put up the picture taken of me when I was at my heaviest, not sure if I'll ever be since I look like a marshmallow with a head. This is a picture of me at 198 lbs.  ( please excuse the "calico" paint job in the background...we've been sampling paint colors since last February...the look is growing on me).

Daily Encouragement

In July of 2009 I joined a sugar addiction support forum called "First Ourselves".  Each day I get an email from the forum, and I thought this one would be a nice one to share here on my blog.  Here it is:


Daily Encouragement for you, December 2 2010:

"The holidays are a time of huge internal and external expectations. It’s easy to hold a mental image of the perfect holiday, and then feel disappointed when it doesn’t hold true.

One way to ease this disappointment is to uncover the essence of your needs. What is a “perfect” holiday to you? Describe it. Then ask yourself, what needs are being met by that perfect scenario? Is it connection, community, joy, creativity, play, hope, beauty, or love? Too often, we rely on food or shopping to fill so many of our needs. Or we overcommit without thinking. By contrast, when you’re aware of the essence of what you need, then you can flex and bend and find ways to meet your needs in a myriad ways."

From firstourselves.org, Stick with your weight loss goals over the holidays

December

Is anyone else have trouble believing it's already December??  Wow!.  Okay, so back to the topic of fighting fat.   I went on a 1/2 hour power walk after dinner last night and then went to the gym this morning.  I've been craving sweets again, which kind of stinks (well actually, it really stinks), but I'm not caving because it's not worth it.  I had a cookie and some pie on Thanksgiving and I've been craving dessert ever since....grrrrr!  And I'm sure eating that roll yesterday has something to do with it too.  A white roll is really just cake in disguise, the only difference is that it's not as sweet (but let's be honest, once that roll is in your body, it does the same thing any other carb like that does).

Now that it's December I'm going to offer some advice since we're in full holiday swing.  My advice?  If you SERIOUSLY want to lose weight don't say to yourself,  "I'm going to start my diet after the holidays" - start NOW.  Taking OFF weight is harder than putting it on, and then if you add Christmas parties, Christmas itself, other holidays, and New Years into the mix, the weight is going to come on even faster.  I've lost 13.5 pounds and am now at 198.5.  Had I not started this journey when I did I have no doubt that I would have gained those 13.5 pounds onto my start weight (if not more), which means I'd be looking down at the scale right now and it would be reading around 225.   But it's so much more than a number on the scale.  Between exercising and eating healthy, I FEEL so much better!  I was so lethargic two months ago, I felt like total crap, I was depressed and I had no endurance.  I was a mess physically, emotionally and mentally.
Just looking out for all of you as well! :-)

White Flour - why must you be SO good??

I took the kids to the park today and on the way home I was exhausted and didn't feel like making them lunch.  I try very hard not to bring them to McDonald's so I went to a local bread company to pick them up some of the pizza they make there.  They didn't have pizza but they had rolls that had just come out of the oven.......Anyway, this is a lot of rambling before getting to the point of this post which is this:  I had a roll with tuna and. it. was. AWESOME!  I realize that one white flour roll isn't the end of the world, but it's certainly NOT on the diet I'm following.  But did I mention how awesome it was?  :-)  Well, I'm back on track now, back to following my "yeast eliminating diet", and back to fighting fat.

I've lost 13.5 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lost 3.5 pounds last week (and there was a HOLIDAY!).  How?  Well I'm just getting over my "monthly friend", so I think there was some water retention going on prior to that, but I also exercised and I had to do a lot of sacrificing.  I kept saying all week, "This better pay off!!!"...and it did!!

So now I weigh 198.5!  May I never ever see the 200s again! 

A note about CRAVINGS

I just realized that in my last two posts I've talked about "really really really" wanting dessert "really really really" badly, and I can just hear people saying, "you shouldn't completely deny yourself anything, you should just eat in moderation", or "if you completely deny yourself something it's just going to cause you to binge on it later."  This is the thing with me and sweets though, when I eat them I just want them even more.  There is no "moderation" with me and sweets.  Example?  I allowed myself to have some dessert on Thanksgiving and I have been STRONGLY craving dessert ever since (I mean COME ON, I'm even dreaming about eating dessert!).  Do I regret having dessert on Thanksgiving?  No.  But I knew that as soon as I had the dessert, my sugar cravings would kick back in again.  History has shown that a dessert on a holiday has led to days to even months of daily dessert eating because I just. can't. stop.

It is my hope that I will someday get to a point that I can have some dessert,  feel satisfied, and not want any more, but honestly, I don't know if that is ever going to happen for me.  I'm beginning to accept the fact that if I allow myself to have a dessert on a special occasion or a holiday, I'm going to have to deal with the cravings of wanting more on the days that follow, and not cave into them.  That is what "moderation" is going to have to mean for me, and I'm going to have to be clear with myself about this, or the weight is going to start coming back on again.

A Trip to My Parent's house

Back in October I put up a post about what going to my parent's house used to be like i.e., I would walk through the door and start eating food like I had just come home from being a contestant on "Survivor".  I went there today and I could have gone nuts like I used to.  I mean they had potato chips, they had cookies left over from Thanksgiving, they had nuts, and I was hungry!   However, I stuck to my diet and had a piece of toast with some butter, and a handful of reduced fat popcorn.  It wasn't easy though.  I wanted a cookie really really really REALLY bad, ESPECIALLY since I had been dreaming about eating cake the whole night before.  But now it's 9:15 at night and I can look back on the day and be PROUD of myself, AND THAT my friends, is WAY better than any cookie could ever be!  :-)

"Sweet" Dreams

I dreamed I was eating cake all night long, last night.  I guess I really really really want some cake!  Aaaah!  I'm being tortured in my sleep!! :-)

More tempations tackled

I took my son to a birthday party today and they had awesome looking pizza, but I didn't have any, and even more awesome looking cupcakes, but I didn't have any of those either.  I seriously could have put on a bathing suit and swim goggles and taken a dip in the frosting.  My son didn't finish his cupcake and when it was in my hand on the way to the trash there was a very BIG little voice inside my head saying, "Oh just have one lick!".  However, I chose to listen to the other little voice that was saying, "Don't do it!  It's NOT worth it!"  I feel like I'm on "The Biggest Loser" sometimes. :-)

Day after Thanksgiving Blues

Yesterday was tough for me.  I think I get depressed after a holiday because it's such a letdown that it's over.  I also think I was depressed because I had dessert on Thanksgiving and I think I'm super sensitive to sugar.  I have read some places that it's a depressant and I think I believe that.  I was moody and sad yesterday, and I was craving more dessert almost all day. 
 Well, today is a new day and I'm off to the gym in a little while.  Time to burn burn burn some fat fat fat.  FIGHT ON!!

I'm giving myself an A- for Thanksgiving

Well, I wasn't as perfect as I had hoped, but I was gosh darn close!  I worked out in the morning, which is an A+, and I didn't have any rolls or cranberry Sauce at dinner because both are not "acceptable" foods on my current diet (another A+ move).  I had stuffing, which is not on the diet, but I had planned on having some well before Thanksgiving (I can't eat Thanksgiving dinner and not have stuffing, that's just not right).  However, I did end up having some dessert, which I wasn't going to do.  I had a slice of apple pie but didn't eat the crust (so basically I ate cooked apples with sugar and cinnamon), I had a bite of pumpkin pie (and by a bite I  literally mean I had one mouthful),  and I had a small chocolate chip oatmeal cookie.  Because of those things I'm dropping my grade down to an A-  :-).  But if you look at my history of dessert eating at Thanksgiving compared to what I ate yesterday I should be getting an A+ with extra credit, because I have never ever....never never ever ever....eaten so little for dessert.  YIPEE YAHOO for me!
Oh, and one other thing, we didn't bring any desserts home with us so I have no temptations in the house.  I know me well and I know I'm not yet strong enough to resist so well two days in a row.  Out of sight out of mind (well, maybe not out of mind...but WELL out of reach!).

Workout Completed!

Just got back from the gym and it was JAMMIN there!  I guess I'm not the only one trying to get the metabolism going before gobbling up dinner. :-)  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving

I'm bringing two veggie side dishes to my parent's house and plan on hitting the gym in the morning.  No dessert for me tomorrow, and I'm dealing with that (I have my strong moments and then my sad moments).  I'll have coffee after we have our Turkey dinner and I might buy a Lara Bar to eat just for something sweet.  A Lara Bar has no sugar and is sweetened with dates (which I'm not supposed to have either, but it's Thanksgiving for crying out loud so I might allow myself a few freakin dates!).  I've actually had a "Carrot Cake" Lara Bar before and it was pretty good, so that might be an option.  Other than that I'm trying to treat tomorrow like any other day by eating appropriate portion sizes and exercising.  Wish me luck (and good luck to all of you!)!

I'm not craving dessert!!!!

I just realized that for the past several days my cravings/obsessing over desserts and candy have significantly decreased.  You have NO idea how good it feels to not be obsessing over some type of dessert every. single. day.  I mean to be be perfectly honest, I felt like I was being tortured (mentally).  I wanted to stop eating the stuff, and I wanted to lose weight, but I absolutely couldn't get the overwhelming need/desire to get a "sweet treat" out of my mind.  I'm not saying that I'm not craving sweets at all, it's just that the cravings are not consuming every ounce of my being.  It's no cake walk yet (no pun intended), but it's a heck of a lot better than it was! :-)

Weigh in for Monday 11/22

I lost 2 pounds this past week making my grand total thus far, TEN POUNDS! 

NO COOKIES! I Repeat, NO COOKIES!!

I've been making chocolate chip cookies (from scratch) for Thanksgiving for the last 15 years (?).  I put a question mark because I'm guessing on the number of years. It could be more or it could be less, but 15  is about right.  This year however, there will be NO cookies.  I made the decision not to make them a few days ago.   I called my mom to make sure it was okay that I didn't make them and bring them over and she said, "that's fine" without any hesitation.  It was a tough decision because I don't want to deprive others of the chewy, chocolaty, melty goodness (I mean, not to toot my own horn or anything, but they're REALLY good...after 15 or so years, it qualifies one as a MASTER chocolate chip cookie maker :-).  But this year, it's about ME, and I don't know if I would be strong enough to make them and not eat them (and by "them" I mean the cookies that actually make it OUT of the oven, this doesn't even count the dough I would have to refrain from shoveling into my mouth...not that I've EVER shoveled large amounts of dough into my mouth :-).
Had I not been cutting out ALL sugar for the next two months, I don't know what my decision would have been regarding the cookies.  Honestly, I think I would have made them and told myself that I would only have one.  However, I've been down that road before in the last year (or lifetime :-), and I KNOW that one would turn into 5 within one sitting.  I know ME and I know I wouldn't be able to stop.  It doesn't matter what anyone says about "just eat it in moderation", because there is NO moderation with me when it comes to something like a homemade chocolate chip cookie.  So this year, I'll have none and be okay with it, even if part of me is sad.  Fight!  Fight! Fight!!!!!

Survived my first REAL Temptation

Today I had a trial run for what awaits me on Thanksgiving.  We went to a friend's house after watching a Thanksgiving Day Parade, and there was A LOT of food.  For those of you who have been following the blog you know I'm detoxing from sugar  in addition to dieting, so there a lot of things I can't eat.  These are the foods that were available to me:  baked beans, meatballs, ham, baked mac and cheese, dinner rolls, kale soup (it's a veggie soup made with a spicy meat), salad, pumpkin pie, apple crisp and brownies.  What I ate:  A big bowl of the Kale soup and a plate of salad.  I've NEVER been to a party and NOT had dessert, EVER!  NEVER EVER!  Part of me was very sad that I couldn't have any, but part of me felt empowered because I knew I was doing the right thing, AND because "I" was in control.  Oh, and I was at the gym this morning :-)  I'm GOING to do this!  I am GOING to LOSE this weight!!

I would really love to hear from people

Hello everyone!  Well, the blog is almost at 1,500 visits :-).  I would love to hear from people, even if I don't know you.  As I've said before, you can leave a comment and I'll be the only one who sees it.  If you don't want it published just tell me and I won't publish it.  However, I have no way of commenting back to you if I don't publish it, so I would need your email address, or know your full name (if you're on FB) and then I can send you a message. 
Have a great night and weekend (and don't let the weekend be an excuse to blow all the hard work you've put in during the week :-). Uh oh, I just realized that when I first started this blog I said I wouldn't give advice, and I just did.  Hmmm, well I guess I'm giving some advice now :-)  HOWEVER, I'm also more than happy to take advice too.
Oh, and one more thing, if you're struggling, it's okay.  I was doing great mentally this morning (as you can tell by my post from earlier today) but then by tonight I was having HUGE cravings for LARGE amounts of everything I'm not supposed to be eating! I had a "trying" afternoon with my little kids, and I got very depressed and just wanted to say, "SCREW IT!! I'm getting CAKE!"  It was very very tough, but I made it through the cravings, and being both angry and sad that I couldn't eat what I really wanted to eat.  Onward with the fight!

W.O.R.K. - O.U.T.

While pushing roughly 60 pounds of children and stroller up a hill today, I came up with this post.  I've been feeling VERY strong emotionally lately, and I feel like I'm gaining endurance and becoming stronger physically. Working out has been a HUGE factor in improving my physical, emotional and psychological well-being.

W - WANT and WIN.  WANT to LOSE weight MORE than you WANT to keep eating the way you have been.  Win your life back by being in charge again, instead of having food be in charge of you.
O - OVERCOME.  Overcome thoughts that tell you things like, "I can't do it." or "It will be too hard." or "It will take too long." or "Other people can do it, but not me."
R - REACH.  Reach beyond the limits you've set in your mind and push yourself to do more.
K - KNOW.  Know what you like to do for exercise so you'll be more likely to do it!
O - OUTSHINE.  Outshine the "old" you every next day.  Be a better you on Tuesday than you were Monday, on Wednesday than you were Tuesday, on Thursday than you were Wednesday, in November than you were in October, in 2011 than you were in 2010!
U. - UNDERSTAND.  Understand that EVERYBODY tries and fails several times in their lives.  But also understand that the people who achieve their goals, are the ones who have fallen but then stand back up again and continued on.
T. - TRIUMPH.  Be triumphant by reaching your goal and then setting new goal.  Be proud of YOURSELF!

ALL Aboard!

Well, it looks like my healthy eating has also gotten other people on the Healthy Express.  My husband, who happily weighs less than me (that was sarcasm), has not eaten any candy at work, from the lady who has candy at her desk ALL. THE. TIME., and he's been taking his vitamins and doing a morning exercise routine of sit-ups and push-ups before work.  Also, a good friend of mine told me that she was in Walgreens a few weeks ago and was ready to go down the candy isle and stopped and said, "What would Colleen do?  I laughed because she told me that she chose not to go down the isle at all, which isn't "exactly" what I would have done.  "I" would have gone down the isle and tortured myself looking at the candy for a while, and then I would have walked away, sad and having a pity party because I couldn't have any.
Anyway, if you've joined the fast track to weight loss (and by "fast track" I mean "slow and steady wins the race") with me or you're just an observer, I'm glad you're here.  I'm having the best week I've had in well over a year, part of it is because I'm following that "Candida Action Plan" and I know exactly what I'm supposed to eat, and part of it is because I'm finally on my own team to losing weight and getting healthy.   I WANT to lose weight MORE than I WANT to eat whatever I want.  I feel like I've hit a huge milestone.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

It's only been in the past few weeks now that I've really taken a good look at the way I had been living, and have acknowledged the things I had been doing to make it seem like I wasn't getting heavier, or that I still looked the same as I always had.  The first thing I realized:  I hadn't really looked at myself in the mirror in a long time.  I would take a quick glance while getting dressed, but that was it.  I think it's because REALLY  looking at oneself forces you to be honest with yourself, and I wasn't ready  to do that.  AND it was because I didn't want to be sad.  I knew that if I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror and saw the way I actually looked, it might be unbearable.  The second thing I realized:  I was ignoring the fact that I had outgrown clothes that fit me.   How did  I achieve this?  All summer long I wore three things, a pair of maternity shorts, and two different cotton-stretch black skirts.  As long as those fit, I didn't even have to think about the jean skirt or pair of jeans that fit me in May but didn't fit in August.  As long as all my elastic waist band stuff fit, I was doing great (or so I thought in my "making up excuses way of thinking").  However, by the end of the summer, even my "safety" clothes were getting tight (even the maternity shorts).  I was also ignoring JEWELRY that no longer fit!  I had to take off my both my wedding band and an antique engagement ring that I wear on my other hand because my fingers were too swollen for them.  I mean, COME ON!  My WEDDING BAND not fitting should have been motivation enough to lose some weight!!!
So what have I done?  Well, I've started looking at myself in the mirror and have taken ownership of the fat on my body.  I REALLY want to SEE it!  Do you know why?  Because I want to remember how I look now, so that I can SEE the changes when the weight comes off.  I'm doing it so I can be proud of myself.  What else have I done?  I've set some goals.  The jeans and the jean skirt are not only going to fit, but they're going to become too big, because I bought both of them when I was already overweight to begin with.  And of course, I'm going to wear my rings again, because I deserve it, and my husband does too.

My thoughts on "The Biggest Loser"

I'm watching "The Biggest Loser" right now and you know what's really nice?  Seeing some of these women, who are under professional guidance for both working out and diet, only lose one pound in a week at some of these weigh-ins.  It just makes ME feel better about what I'm doing.  EVEN if I do everything RIGHT, I still might have a low weight loss week.  I mean, those women are working out like it's their JOB on that show.  They work out like 4+ hours a day, every day, all week, and they still don't lose a lot of weight sometimes.  I'M a stay-at-home mom, who works out for 1 hour, 4 times a week AT BEST.  In addition, I'm SURROUNDED by FOOD all day, every day.  I basically live in my kitchen preparing meals and snacks for my children ALL. DAY. LONG. And my kids are NOT on diets, and I have to NOT EAT their food.  I'm not saying I give them crap, but I'm not watching their calories either.  I guess it's just nice to see that even people in the "fake" world of "The Biggest Loser" still have it tough sometimes, too. :-)
(An afterthought:  Just to be clear, I DON'T expect to lose a lot of weight each week like they sometimes do on TBL.  Maybe this post was mean or kind of like a "misery loves company" type thing, but I just feel like my weight is coming off SO SLOW, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone.)

Dissapointed but not giving up

I should probably just tell my weight versus what I've been doing, which is saying I'm up two or down 1.  When I started this I was 212.  The week before the birthday weekend I was 203, the Monday after I was 206 (that was one week ago).  And YES, I know i shouldn't be on the scale so much.  Anyway, I was 204 this morning, which I'm kind of bummed about.  I'm just bummed because of what I let myself eat last weekend and what it did to me.  I've been putting in a lot of hard work and to see it all change because of one weekend of poor choices, makes me sad.  But you know what, it was actually more than one weekend, it started with brownie batter the Thursday before and ended with more brownies and ice cream the Monday after.  So no, it wasn't one weekend, it was 5 days (if I'm being honest).  Well, enough of dwelling on the past.  I've been doing EXCELLENT since last Tuesday and I'm sure the scale and how my clothes are feeling will reflect that by next Monday.

For those of you who are fighting too, Keep FIGHTING!!!!

Best Weekend Yet!

I'm happy to say that I worked out both Saturday and Sunday and I haven't had ANYTHING  with sugar in it in 3 days.  Just to be clear, I haven't eaten a dessert since last Monday but I haven't eaten SUGAR, at all, since Thursday.  What does that mean?  Well, if you've read my "HEALTH Fight" post, you'll know I'm trying to eliminate yeast from my system, which means I can't have sugar, but I also can't have anything with white flour, pasta, milk (yes, there are sugars in milk), white rice, anything with wheat...etc. etc.  You would be AMAZED at how many foods contain sugar, and when you give up sugar it really limits you.  It FORCES you to eat healthy! :-)  It's been tough at times, but  I'm determined to do this.  In addition to the diet, I have to take several supplements to help clean out and strengthen my system.  The supplements include cod liver oil (YUMMY!), Magnesium Glycinate, a probiotic, a B-Complex vitamin, grapefruit seed extract etc. etc.   It's only for two months and then I can begin adding foods, one at a time, to my diet to see how my body reacts.  I'm really excited to do this and I'm hopeful that I'm going to start feeling a lot better.  For a long time now I've suffered from so many of the symptoms associated with a yeast imbalance (see the "HEALTH Fight" post for the list), and  I'm eager to see if they start going away.
I'll post again in the morning after I "weigh-in".  Fingers crossed that I've lost weight from my lowest weight yet, but that might be tough considering ALL the food I ate last weekend for the birthday weekend.  Wish me luck!

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S Saturday Night!!!.....

.....AND it's my anniversary, and I'm going to the gym.  Jeff and I went out for lunch to celebrate, and now it's time to burn some fat.  ( I did excellent at lunch, by the way).  I'm feeling GOOD!

HEALTH Fight

I crave sweets in an abnormal way, period.  I haven't had any dessert since Monday (thank you very much), but it's been a daily battle of fighting some pretty strong cravings.   I realize that most of my posts revolve around talking about trying to cut out sweets/desserts, because I feel that eating them is what has put me in the situation that I'm in.  I'm also finally believing that, "you are what you eat" AND I'm looking at food, sugar in particular, as a drug, a drug that over the course of the past several years (at least the last 5), has wreaked havoc on my body.  I would be a fool to think that I could eat the amount of sugar and simple carbohydrates that I've been eating, and NOT have it negatively affect my body.  What do I think has happened?  I think I have a yeast imbalance.  I feel that because of the amount of sugar that I've eaten I have an over abundance of yeast in my body (I know..it sounds gross), and this is why I'm continually craving sugar (the yeast needs it to grow...again, yuck!).  The following is list of symptoms that accompany a  yeast imbalance:  (I have put  my symptoms in CAPS)

DETECTING A YEAST IMBALANCE
We all carry some yeast (fungus-like organisms called Candida) in our bodies. Most of us are
born with it. When yeast thrives and becomes “the host” instead of the “guest,” we call it a yeast
imbalance. It has been an extremely common, yet often unrecognized nutritional concern since
the early 1980’s.
Common factors related to yeast imbalance include:

•  CHRONIC SINUS CONDITIONS
• EXCESS MUCUS IN THE NASAL PASSAGES/THROAT/CHEST
  • Recurring vaginal and/or stool mucus
• Frequent or long-term use of antibiotics, such as tetracycline for acne
• FREQUENT USE OF BROAD-SPECTRUM ANTIBIOTICS FOR RECURRENT INFECTIONS, SUCH AS IN THE EARS, BLADDER, VAGINA OR THROAT 
• **Repeated exposure to indoor mold (in the home and/or workplace)
• SENSITIVITY TO MOLDS, DAMPNESS AND PERFUME SMELLS
• Birth control pills use in women
• PREMENSTRUAL SYMPTOMS
• Recurrent vaginal yeast infections in women or prostate problems in men
• Regular use of cortisone-type drugs
• Chronic ingestion of simple carbohydrates with low protein intake
• CRAVINGS FOR SWEETS, BREADS OR ALCOHOL
• MENTAL SYMPTOMS SUCH AS DEPRESSION, MOOD SWINGS, OR CONFUSSION
• Recurrent skin fungus infections, such as ringworm, ATHLETE'S FOOT, “jock itch”, or nail
problems
• DIGESTIVE BLOATING, SYSTEMIC FLUID RETENTION
• Leaky gut
• Continuous weight gain (and belly fat), even with strict dieting
If you have three or more factors, you most likely have a yeast imbalance. Stress is not a major
causative factor, but if acute or chronic, it exacerbates the problem. There are specific blood and
stool tests that can detect levels of Candida, which can be run through most diagnostic labs.

Although I haven't been tested, I would be shocked if I DIDN'T have a  yeast imbalance.  Oh,and the "stress" thing?  I got SHINGLES last year because I was so stressed, so YES, I believe stress is exacerbating the problem.

I not only want to lose weight but I want to get healthy as well.  Because of this I'm going to be starting a very strict two month "Yeast Free Diet".  The goal here is to fix my body, get healthy and lose weight while doing it.  (I got the information above  from the "Candida Action Plan", that  I purchased through Nutritional Concepts (www.nutrionalconcepts.com).

Ho Hum Ho Hum I feel it in my Bum!

Well, I'm back.  It wasn't the two hour workout I had planned on, but it was more than I've done in a long long time.  I rode the elliptical machine for 55 minutes, and did several "sprints" on it i.e., I would put the machine on a really hard resistance and go all out for a minute, and then bring the resistance down and go slow for a minute.  I burned 640 calories, Not. Too. Shabby!!  I was also going to try and do some weights afterward, but I seriously (and I'm not kidding) almost fell asleep on the mat when I was stretching.  I was lying on my back stretching my hamstrings and I think I started dreaming (kidding). 

Anyway, I'm making some butternut squash soup and an egg white omelet with veggies for dinner.  YUM!!

Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to work-out I go....

I'm off to the gym to do my "Biggest Loser" workout (I'm laughing right now).  I won't have Jillian Michael's there to push me but I'm going to push it - HARD!  Still no desserts...almost 48 hours under my belt, and I've been eating healthy today.  Time to shed some pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tough Tough Day

I didn't have any dessert today, and it was tough.  I had to conquer several mental battles and I was not a nice person to be around.  I don't know how many times I apologized to my kids today for being "so upset".  THIS is when it counts though, AFTER the Holiday, or after the birthday, or after the anniversary, etc.  I have to learn how to put the brakes on AFTER a celebration.  Yesterday I didn't, I ate brownies and I ended up having some ice cream too.  Today I wanted sweets SO BAD, but I didn't have any.  They say cravings only last 20 minutes, and to find something to do while the craving is happening, HA!  What if your cravings keep coming every 20 minutes??  Anyway, today was a victory because I stopped with the sugar, but it (and my mom will not like this) SUCKED!!!

It's GO Time!!!!

I've been floundering.  I don't know if it's the fact that I've had the upcoming (but now past) birthdays looming over my head or what, but I haven't been putting in 100% effort, and I know that.  I think there's also still some denial about what I weigh and how much I have to lose.  I know that I want to lose the weight and I also know that part of me is terrified to try.  Anyway, I've GOT to try, and try harder, because I DO NOT want to stay this way.  Against my better judgment, I weighed myself this morning and I'm up three pounds.  Given what I ate this weekend, that's about right, but it still bums me out.  There was a day when I could eat like that and not gain anything, but that passed by probably 15 years ago!!!

Now it's time to buckle down and DO what I've set out to do.  Back when I was living at my parent's house I used to go on this awesome bike ride to the beach and back, it was 15 miles round trip.  The ride was chock full of hills, not an easy ride.  However, the two most difficult hills were the last two, when my legs would be burning and I didn't think I could take much more.  Do you know what I would do?  I would push it harder and I would always sing, Rob Base "Joy and Pain": "Joy and Pain, Like Sunshine and Rain, come on come on pump it up (okay, so that part may have been my add in)" and I would just keep repeating it over and over again, until those hills were done.  I've GOT to tackle this massive hill that I'm up against....time to get portions under control, and start eliminating "bad" fats and "bad" sugars out of my diet!!!

Oh Crap!

I was in such a good place this morning and then as morning crept on and it started to become late morning and now noontime, my cravings for sweets have increasingly grown.  I think I would still be okay (i.e., made it through the day "sweets free"),  if I hadn't discovered the container of brownies that I had forgotten were in the fridge.  Long story short, I made a batch for my son's school party last week that had come out way undercooked, and instead of tossing them, I saved them because I was thinking of using them to decorate his cake (I was going to use them as the gravel for a race track).  I ended up not using them, and then forgot they were here.

I opened the container and just stared at them.  A HUGE part of me just kept saying, "PUT THEM IN THE GARBAGE BECAUSE YOU'LL EAT THEM" and then another part of me said, "JUST ONE BITE!"  About 4 mouthfuls later, here I am, and they are finally in the trash.  I'm trying not to get down on myself about this.  They say don't bring sweets into your house thinking you'll be strong enough not to eat them, because you won't be.  I used to think that was only for people who were weak, people who had no self-control, people who had no willpower.  That person is me :-).  I'm not strong enough to have that kind of stuff in my house and not eat it.  Maybe someday I will be, but not now.  Time to remember that this is not a failure, but a mistake that I must get past, and learn from.  Back to fighting fat...again.

Setting a Goal

It's about 7 weeks until Christmas, which is downright frightening!  Only SEVEN weeks??!!!  I better get shopping!  Anyway, my goal is to lose 1-2 pounds per week until Christmas.  I'M DOING THIS!  In seven weeks I'm hoping to be anywhere from 7-14 pounds thinner!! 

The Birthday Weekend is OVER!

The two day, two party, and one out to dinner weekend is OVER...Thank Goodness!!!  I had a GREAT weekend and you know what?  I ate what I wanted.  I didn't go crazy with my eating, but I didn't set limits on myself and I feel great, mentally (physically, a little bloated maybe, but not too bad).  The VERY BEST part?  I'm ready to start right back up again with my healthy eating, which is a HUGE accomplishment.  At the end of the final party yesterday I trashed any leftover cake and all the chips.  It wasn't easy doing it, part of me was truly sad, but it had to be done and it's good that it's done. 

So in summary:  Did I have cake this weekend?  yes.  Did I have too much cake this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have bread when I went out to dinner with my mom?  yes.  Did I have 2 pieces of bread? yes. Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have pizza this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have chips this weekend?  yes.  Am I beating myself up about it?  no.  Did I have ice cream this weekend? yes.  Am I beating myself up about it? no.  Did I gain weight this past weekend?  yes (well, I haven't weighed myself but you do the math).  Do I have a goal this week?  YES! Eat right, exercise and be down one pound from the weight I was when I weighed myself last Friday.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record with my posts, but  my mental victories are just as important, if not more important, than actual weight loss victories.  To be in such a good place mentally today AND to be ready to start up again LOSING weight is SO awesome for me! 

Happy Birthday to ME!

I'm down 1 1/2 pounds from the last time I weighed in.  Although that's not much for 2 weeks, I'm chalking it up to having a good week this past week and kind of a disaster of a week the week before (that's when we had the medical emergency, and I had my "monthly friend"..blah blah blah).  So in all, I've lost 8.5 pounds since starting this journey.
Had I NOT started this journey when I did, and had I NOT gotten mad enough at myself to WANT to be on my own team and get my health in check, this could have EASILY been an 8 pound gain in the same amount of time.  I'm feeling stronger and I've noticed an ability to contract my abdominal muscles once again...haven't been able to do THAT in a while!

Workout - DONE!

It didn't happen until 8pm tonight, but it happened.....400 calories burned.  Feels good!!

Good Morning and THANK YOU!

I started this blog 2 weeks and 5 days ago and it's been viewed 1,000 times!  It wouldn't be as much fun writing this blog if people weren't reading it, and people ARE reading it!!  Thank you to those who have given support and advice, and I hope those of you who are trying to lose weight are finding some support, or are at least having your own thoughts and your own struggles affirmed, by reading this.  You're not crazy for thinking what you think.  That is what I tell myself daily.  I used to tell myself things like, "I'm the only nut who thinks this way" and now I know I was wrong.  There are MANY other nuts out there that think exactly the same way I do. :-)
Even though I had a big brownie blunder yesterday I'm not letting it get me down.  Today is a new day, and it WILL be a day without dessert.  It WILL be a day of portion control.  It WILL be a day of good choices.  It WILL be a day with exercise.  And most importantly, it WILL be a day of positive thinking!

Brownie Battle!!!!

I totally forgot that I had to bring a treat to my son's class tomorrow for his birthday.  He told me that he wanted brownies with blue frosting.  He's going to be 5 and that's a big deal, so I decided to make him what he wanted (even if it's slightly strange).  I chose to make the brownies myself because there is a child with a peanut allergy in the class, and I knew homemade brownies would be safe.  Long story short, I fear I've done a little too much batter, frosting and brownie sampling today.
On the positive side, I demonstrated self control and did not eat scoop after scoop after scoop of batter, like I did a few months ago (and no worries, there was no "double dipping" :-).  On the negative side, I probably ate the total of two rather large brownies with frosting.  On the positive side, I'm not calling myself a "lost cause" or a "failure" for the day, which in the past has led me to further binging for the rest of the day and possibly days to come.  On the negative side, there is a weekend of birthdays coming up with more desserts in store, and I fear I might lose sight of what I'm trying to accomplish, and instead get DEEP into a one track mind of "sugar sugar SUGAR!!".
I think this means that not going to the gym tomorrow is NOT an option (I was planning on going anyway, but now I REALLY need to make sure I go), and I am going to have to make a very big effort to get to the gym Saturday, even if it means I'm there at the crack of dawn!!  I'm trying to get rid of my brownie butt for crying out loud, not add a new one!!

Working out

I went to the gym  this morning, and raked leaves yesterday and the day before.  Want a good leg workout?  Rake leaves and then squat down to pick them up over and over and over and over and over (you get the picture) again.   Holy heck my legs are sore.  I'll try to get one more workout in tomorrow before the BIG BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!  In a perfect world I would also like to workout Saturday morning, but I live in the real world, and in the real world, I have ten 4 and 5 year old children and a bounce house coming to my house for my son's party (a workout is not going to happen).

A Novel Idea!

I just had a thought that maybe I should eat when I'm HUNGRY.  I know I know, it's a mind blowing concept.  Eating when my body tells me that it NEEDS food, versus eating just because it's noon, or "dinner time", or "snack time", etc.  (I hope the sarcasm is coming across).  But in all seriousness, I feel like we're all conditioned  to eat at certain times because that's what we've always done, or maybe we eat out of boredom, or habit, etc.  We don't listen to our bodies (some people might be laughing right now...it's an old story :-) anymore.  It's something that Weight Watchers stresses, know when you're ravenous, a little hungry, satisfied, full, ready to pop (or something like that)...I guess I just wasn't ready to listen to that advice until now. 
Well, I'm hungry (and more than just a "little" bit hungry.. it's heading towards ravenous).  I'm going to have a huge glass of water before I eat (because I'll eat the house if I don't), and then I'm going to have a veggie burrito.  Okay...that's two posts for today...the movie that my kids are watching is almost over...time to eat and then be a good mom :-)...see you all tomorrow!

Could Have Done Without THAT!

Well, if I didn't have good enough reason to lose weight, I sure as s%!t  (sorry again for the "swearing") have one now.  I read to my son's class a few weeks ago and the teacher took pictures of me while I was reading.  She gave them to me today.   They look like they were done up professionally on one large piece of paper (I fear she has made them for ALL the students to take home!!).  At the top is a picture of me (whole body profile shot) reading to the class, and the picture below is the whole class wearing the masks that I brought in for them.
I'm very very good at self deprecating humor (and I know the people who love me most don't think it's funny), so I'll refrain from saying what I really want to say, and just say, "I was having a great hair/makeup day that day."  As for the rest of me?  Well, let's just say I'm glad I decided to turn things around when I did....Good Lord!

Old Habits Die HARD!

I had to go out shopping tonight for a few gifts and for some food.  For the past year going out at night, on a weekday night, after a looooooooong day with the kids, has meant two things, 1. I go out and actually buy what it was that we needed, and 2.  I've gotten some type of "treat" for myself  i.e., something at the bakery at Whole Foods, or some type of candy.  I've actually been nervous to go out at night shopping because I know that there are so many temptations out there AND because I have a habit that needs to be broken.  I'm home now and I'm happy to say that I didn't buy any treats for myself, but it wasn't easy.  It wasn't easy AT ALL!
I get to the first store, TJ Maxx, and right as I walk in I have to pass this huge display of dark chocolate bars.  I'm not one to swear or anything, but why the *#$! does TJ Maxx have to have CANDY?!  It's a CLOTHING/HOME GOODS STORE for crying out loud!!  Then I go to AC Moore (a craft store).  Once again, I had to make it past the candy display at the front of the CRAFT STORE!  I'm not going to lie, I stopped and stared at the candy at BOTH stores, but I walked away empty handed.
When I got to the car and went to put my bags in the back I realized that I had my HUSBAND'S CAR, and the Halloween candy was WITH ME!  I grabbed a Reese's pb cup, got in the front seat, and I held it in my hand.  I was going to eat it, and then I said "NO!"  I'd been so good today and I wasn't about to throw it all out the window (well actually, I could have thrown the Reese's out the window)!!  I chucked it in the back seat.  I almost cried.
Where did I go next?  Whole Foods!  There is stuff there on sale this week that I HAD to get.  Yes yes, I could have sent my husband but I was already out and knew what I needed to get.  Did I go through the bakery section?  Yes.  Was it torture?  Yes.  Did I get anything?  No.  Did I feel like my head was going to explode and that I would burst into tears?  Yes.
HUGE MASSIVE SIGH.  I'm home now and I'm dessert free...another victory....and it was a tough victory (I'm feeling a little like Rocky tonight...that shopping experience beat the crap out of me mentally).

A few responses

Hi out there.  Just wanted you to know that I just got a comment from someone that said, "trying to post a comment."  I wanted you to know that whatever you did, you did correctly because I was able to read that :-)

I also just got a comment from someone talking about sugar being an addiction relating it to heroin.  Can you let me know if it's okay for me to post what you said?  (by the way, thank you for the comment, and I agree).  Also, just to let people know, I joined a sugar support forum last year that was just for women.  It's called First Ourselves, By Karly Randolph Pitman.  Although I haven't been actively involved in the the First Ourselves forum in a while, it was really nice to know that I wasn't alone in my sugar sensitivity/addiction.  If you google "First Ourselves" you can get a ton more info.  I hope that helps :-)

Curious

I started this blog 2 weeks ago, yesterday.  Would you like to take a guess as to how  many times it's been viewed?  Are you ready?  850!  Wow!  That's A LOT of viewings!  I'm flattered that so many of you seem to enjoy my ramblings, and I also hope that this blog is a help to some of you.  I have heard from a few people that have told me that this is good support for them, and from other people who have given me some great advice and suggestions.  Thank you ( you know who you are).

I would love to know more about who is viewing this blog.  Unless you're painfully shy or embarrassed to be here (I hope not :-), would you mind sending a comment to me telling me who you are and why you're here?  The comment won't get posted (unless you tell me to post it), and if you want me to respond back you'll have to give me your email address (I can't comment on a comment unless I post it and I would love to write back if you want me to). 

Thank you again for reading this and following along.  Obviously writing a blog is more fun if you know people are reading it, and I'm glad so many of you are.

Now let's keep fighting some fat!

In the Zone

Want to know how I know I'm in the "weight loss/healthy eating" zone?  (I know I know, you're all on the edge of your seats).  Over half my plate at dinner was veggies, and my snacks today were mainly fruits and vegetables.  I had protein and dairy and grains (blah blah blah) for part of my meals and as part of some of my snacks, but there were VEGGIES GALORE today!  You might find yourself asking, "But Colleen, veggies are SO boring!"  And to that I would say, "NO NO, YOU are boring!"  Just kidding.  No, I would say, "you have to know how to prepare your veggies!"  Some things I like to do?  Add caramelized onions to steamed veggies.  I make the onions with EVOO and about two tsp of sugar and balsamic vinegar, then I take a portion of them and add them to steamed broccoli/carrots/green beans and cut it all up together.  It really takes boring steamed veggies to a whole new level.  I've also started steaming broccoli, cauliflower, collard greens etc. in a large saute pan/skillet in vegetable broth.  It gives the veggies a nice flavor instead of steaming in water alone.  Sometimes I saute veggies (even frozen ones) with EVOO and then add a little bit of parmesan cheese or feta cheese to them...a little bit of these cheeses goes a long way and adds such great flavor.  Of course there's always raw veggies that can be dipped in humus or low fat dressing, but I find that boring and I got burnt out on making salads a few years ago.  Honestly, making salads is one of my least favorite things to do, especially in the winter.  Oh, and one more thing, I have a food processor and I LOVE cooking squash, cauliflower or potatoes in vegetable broth and then pureeing them to make soups.  You don't need cream or butter to have an awesome and totally flavorful creamed soup...just season to taste.  YUMMY!

I DID IT!

Halloween has come (and is almost gone) and I only had ONE candy.  That's right!  I had ONE Reese's Peanut Butter cup and stopped.  Part of my brain wanted to be very strong and not have any, but the other part of my brain thought it might burst if I didn't have just one. 

Last year I sat on the front porch after trick or treating with my husband and my kids, and I think (without exaggerating) I ate 25-30 Kit Kat's, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Twix, and Snickers.  I just remember sitting there unwrapping one right after the other and shoveling them into my mouth.  I don't even think I stopped to breath, or talk to anyone, or look around; I just sat there staring forward as if in some type of trance, and ate and ate and ate.  

That's the way Halloween always was for me growing up.  I would come home with my bag of candy, go in my room, sit on the floor, and binge.   This is why I've put up so many posts about sugar, and candy and desserts lately (birthdays and holidays are HERE!!).  I have not known control with sugar for most of my life because for most holidays, it's the sugar that controls me.  This "fat fight" journey is more than just losing weight for me, it's about breaking old and very deeply ingrained habits, and changing them out for new healthy ones.  I don't just want to lose 60lbs, I want to eat differently especially on holidays, because holidays can very quickly turn into every day for me.  Today was a huge step in self control and restraint.  I'm almost 37, it's about time I stop eating like I did as a kid.

Pre-Halloween Triumph!

I climbed my own personal Mount Everest and reached the summit last night.  I was at a Halloween party with a huge bowl of candy, and I did not have ANY!  That's right folks, for the first time in my life I was at a party with an open bowl of candy, and I didn't bite into one.  There was also a GINORMOUS plate of cupcakes and cookies, a pie, another container of cookies, and oh yes, one more plate of cookies.  There was also a  pumpkin cheesecake (Weight Watchers recipe - 5pts a slice, which is VERY good for a dessert), and I did have a small piece of that.  I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Oh, and it's 1pm today and I still haven't dipped my hands into any Halloween candy!  Woohoo!!

Chocolate Makes My Clothes Shrink

I have a little sign in my kitchen that reads, "Chocolate Makes My Clothes Shrink".  I bought it back when I was at a normal weight.  I thought it was cute and funny back then.....it's not that funny right about now.  I was considering trashing it, but I think I won't.  I think I'm going to keep it as a reminder that chocolate, and all that's in chocolate, and all of chocolate's evil friends have in fact, caused my body to get fat, which has made my clothes stop fitting or fit much much tighter.  The clever wording of a sign isn't going to change reality.

Back on Track

I finally got back to the gym today and it felt good.  I've also been back on track with eating healthy today, haven't had any candy or dessert.  I was also  able to get through a  lot of the laundry that got put on hold this past week, and the kitchen is looking more like a kitchen and not, the dump.  It's amazing how when one area of your life seems to be falling apart, how quickly the rest seems to jump ship with it.  Thank God for the weekend!!!

The Struggle

When I started this blog I knew a few things:  1. I wanted to lose weight, 2.  I wanted to be completely honest with each post, 3. I wanted to help myself, 4. I wanted to help others.  I wanted others to feel like they weren't alone and to know that there is another person out there that thinks like they do, and is struggling like they are.  I also wanted to tackle fat, tackle the mind games, and tackle the excuses, and you know what?  I'm struggling.  
The "easy" thing to do right now is to make excuses as to why I can't follow my diet and exercise i.e., I had an emotional week, I have plantar fasciitis in both feet, I pulled a muscle in my butt, my kid's keep bringing home candy and it's impossible for me to avoid it etc.  Maybe saying "the easy thing to do" is incorrect, because ultimately it's not making anything easier.  Maybe what I should say is that "going back to old habits" is what I want to do because they are  "comforting" to me, they are what's "familiar".  However, those old habits are what got me here in the first place.  
My brother has been trying to help me by using some "tough love" (he's like my own personal Jillian Michaels).  Want to know how I know that he's right?  Because the things he's been saying to me have been hitting a nerve, a big one.  I've learned from personal experience that when you say something out of love to someone else and it angers them, the person who has said it is right, and the other person knows it - they just don't want to hear it, or they're not ready to hear it, or it might mean that they need to change (and change can be scary).  I know he's right, NOW is the time for me to stay strong and fight the fight, because the tough times are when it counts the most!
So here's to fighting the fight, even when it's hard, and for thanking well meaning people (my brother in this case) even if part of me doesn't want to. :-)

It's all going to be about maintenance this weekend

Last night I won my battle over the candy at CVS (I still haven't purchased Halloween candy because I don't want it in the house).  WELL TODAY, I picked my son up at preschool,  and I kid you not, he emerged from his classroom holding a "goody bag" the size of a pillow case, a very full pillow case.

Now let me set the scene for all of you, I'm still overtired and overwhelmed  from this past week, I totally lost it when my son's preschool teacher asked how I was doing (let the floodgates open) when I dropped him off at preschool, and I'm due to get my "monthly friend" any moment now.  Good Lord!  I said I would fight fat, but I never said I would attempt the impossible!  I had all I could do not to grab the bag out of my son's hands, shove him out of the way, and run for the hills with his bag of sweet sweet goodness!  Thankfully I was able to restrain myself from doing that, or it may have been the cops who were restraining me!  However, once at home I did end up having a kit kat, a milkyway and tiny bag of m&ms.

This isn't exactly the way I hoped I would handle Halloween time, but then again, the world is not perfect and neither am I.  I'll get to the gym tonight, with my pulled butt muscle, and try to work off some of the candy.  Other than that I'm going to try and make smart eating choices for the rest of the day, and drink lots of water.  What I'm not going to do is adopt the attitude I've had so many other times that goes something like, "Well since I've already blown it today, I might as well keep going with the binge."  What's done is done, and I'm not going to make it any worse.

Won a battle at CVS tonight

I had to go to CVS tonight to pick up a few prescriptions and once again the candy isle was calling my name.  I stood there for a long time staring at the candy  (I'm beginning to think that I secretly enjoy torturing myself), but I didn't get any.  The victory is mine!

BINGE

I'm not going to lie on this blog, and I'm not going to pretend that everything is going great, when it isn't.   I ended up having a full out sugar binge yesterday.  I just shoveled anything and everything I could into my mouth that was candy or dessert.  It was emotional and stress eating.  I don't plan on doing it today, but I know it's going to be tough.  It might even be like starting all over again...maybe even worse...because I'm still emotionally unstable. 
If you pray, please say a prayer for me.  I don't want to undo all the hard work I've put in.  I really don't want to take steps backwards.  Not eating sweets today will be a HUGE victory.
Thank you :-)

A Blip in the Screen

After a totally draining couple of days, both physically and emotionally, I've been stress eating today.  I've had "non" diet stuff, but will get back on track tomorrow.  I know it's better to exercise when stressed, but I'm just not up for it.  I did good (for the most part) while at the hospital, but I just needed to give myself a break today.  HOWEVER, my goal is to reach a point where I DON'T feel the need to look to food for "comfort" or for a "stress release" or because I feel like I've "earned it" or that I "deserve it".  When it comes down to it, turning to "junk" really isn't a "reward" or a "cure" or a "help" or a "stress release". 
Back to fighting fat tomorrow!!!!

Getting in one more post

I said that I wouldn't be posting today, but I didn't think I would be up this early.  Very briefly, I have to take my daughter to the hospital today and overnight (and possibly tomorrow and tomorrow night, for some tests - we are hopeful the results will be good).  HOWEVER,  I am getting in one more walk this morning before I go, and I'm going to try as hard as I can to make healthy choices off of the hospital menu.  I AM NOT using this as an excuse to eat whatever I want!!!!!!!

Monday - week 2

To make a long story short, we've had a family emergency that has kept me from the blog today.  All I can say is that I went on a power walk today for a stress release, instead of reaching to food.  Walking off the stress was a lot better than trying to eat it away (I should know, I did that for a year and all I got was a fat belly  :-). 
I probably won't be able to blog tomorrow or the next day, but that doesn't mean the diet is over.
See you all in a few days, and thank you again for reading my ramblings.

Sugar

Just a few thoughts on sugar and what it does to me (I think).  A few posts ago I said that I wasn't going to have any treats this weekend (chuckle), and I ended up having a few (this proves that I'm human, just in case any of you were wondering).  Yesterday I had a piece of apple pie with a scoop of low fat ice cream, and a Reese's cup.  Today I had a Kit Kat,  a mini (and I mean a one bite sized) Snickers, and a small bowl of low fat vanilla ice cream (okay okay, with some chocolate syrup and peanut butter on top...I REALLY didn't want to write that and admit that, but I REEEEALLY want to be honest too).
I was a bit down (emotionally) yesterday, and I've been down today.  I'm going to have to keep track of this because my gut is telling me that sugar makes me depressed.  The only other thing I can think of is that my "monthly friend" is coming in about a week and so it could be hormonal.  For now I think it's best (both emotionally and for weight loss purposes) for me to cut out candy/desserts again. 
Damn you sugar!!!  Why does something that makes things taste SO good have to be SO bad????!!!!  Damn you again!!

Sunday Night

I ended up having time to work out today, so I did.  Three days in a row!  A month ago I had NO energy because I was so full of sugar.  I was also getting uncomfortable because I had so much fat around my middle.  The heaviness around my middle was a familiar feeling, so I wasn't alarmed initially, until I remembered that the feeling was familiar because it was the same feeling I had when I was 8 months pregnant!!!  All of a sudden one day I was like, "oh wait, it's not supposed to be hard for me to get up off the floor after playing with my kids!", and, "It shouldn't be this hard for me to crawl on the floor to play trains," and , "I'm not supposed to have trouble standing for even short periods of time."  All I wanted to do all the time was sit; sit on the couch, sit on the chair outside, sit at the computer...sit sit sit, because sitting was EASY.
I remember the first night I decided to start exercising again.  All I wanted to do was go for a 1/2 hour power walk, and for the very first time in my life (aside from being pregnant), walking was LABOR...I mean, it hurt!  I remember heading up the first hill and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm like the contestants on the first day of " The Biggest Loser"!"  Fast forward to today and although I've lost (only) 8 pounds (and I'm still over 200lbs), I feel A MILLION times better.  My stomach is smaller (thank God) and my endurance and energy are both UP!  I can't say enough about the importance of exercise!

The One Week Mark

I started this blog one week ago and so I thought I would hop on the scale and see what's happened.  I'm down 3 pounds, which means that in the past three weeks I've lost around 8 pounds!!  I attribute this to, exercising, snacking on fruits and vegetables instead of chips and crackers (for the most part :-), not eating food off of my kid's plates, reducing portion size, and staying away from sweets (again, for the most part :-).  Have I been perfect?  Absolutely not.  Have I beat myself up when I haven't followed the plan I wanted to follow to a T?  No (well, not much).  Did I want to throw in the towel yesterday?  Yes.  Are my SWEATPANTS feeling better around my upper thighs/bum? Yes.  But does that mean the diet is over, just because my SWEATPANTS feel looser?  No! Because all my other "non-stay-at-home-mom pants" DON'T FIT!!!  (I write this because sometimes I feel like I'm "done with the new healthy eating" just because something like sweatpants feel better...aaaah, no).
Uh oh, got a crying toddler....back to the blog later :-)  PS, the crying toddler is WHY this post is being posted at 5:30am on a Sunday.  Just in case any of you were thinking I was crazy! :-)

S.O.S.!!!!! I have Halloween Candy in my house!!!

To make a long story short, I have three small children, and we just got home from "Pre-Halloween" trick or treating at their preschool.
Now back when I used to do Weight Watchers they would always say, "Don't buy the candy until Halloween, and then buy something you DON'T like."  Okay, so I like ALL candy except the "crappy" kind - You hand that stuff out, and your house gets egged, but I digress.  I have candy in my house!!!!!!!!!!!! 
A brief history of me and candy - I CAN'T STOP EATING IT ONCE I START!!!!  ESPECIALLY (free) open bags of candy, IN MY HOUSE!  I've gotten full off of m&ms before.  Do you know how many m&ms you have to eat to get FULL??  It's a lot.  Another way to describe me.  Do you remember the shark named "Bruce" in "Finding Nemo?"  He holds an AA type meeting for sharks who want to stop eating fish.  Remember the line, "fish are friends, not food?"  And then the second he gets the scent of fish blood up his nose he goes NUTS trying to eat Marlin and Dory, and then says in a crazed Jack Nicholson type way from "The Shining", "I'm having FISH tonight!"  Well, that would be me with chocolate.  Against my better judgment, I had a Reese's cup at the school, and now I'm like a heroin addict looking for her next hit!
I'm not going to pretend I'm stronger than I am, so I've told my husband to hide our children's candy.  He may even have to keep it in his car when he goes to work on Monday, because I know ME.  I know that come 3pm I'll start searching for it.  I just can't even have that temptation in my house.
I guess this isn't a real S.O.S since I seem to have a plan in place.  But I KNOW that there is at least one of you reading this, who has the same weakness as me.  Get YOUR plan in place so you're not tortured like I was a little while ago. :-)

Saturday, 10/23 - HUGE SIGH

I went to the gym this morning.  I know I know, I went last night, but I won't be able to go tomorrow so I wanted to get there today.  It was a better workout than last night, but not great. 
I'm getting into my "end of the week" slump.  For the past year it seems as though I haven't been able to stick to any new "healthy" eating plan for more than 3 or 4 days.  At the beginning of the week I'm always all fired up and focused on losing weight, and then by the end of the week I'm like, "what was it that I was going to do?"  Okay, so time to refocus.  I'm almost done with ONE week, of hopefully many many many (eek) weeks on a road to a healthier, happier, and thinner me. 
I just hate the mind games, you know?  Part of me just wants to sit back and say, "screw it, give me some cake", and then there's the other part of me that's saying, "you HAVE to stick with this, this is what you want, don't take the lazy way out saying, "oh well, I tried but it just didn't work."  I'm sick of that first voice, that first voice is why I'm 60 pounds overweight.
(Another huge sigh).  I'm just down, not sure why.  I haven't blown the diet or anything, I'm just not totally pumped about anything right now.  Maybe I should go on a short walk and get some fresh air, that might help (it sure as heck can't hurt!).

Just an FYI

I changed the comment setting from "anyone can leave a comment without my reviewing it first" to, "all comments will be reviewed by me, before they are posted."  I did this because I feel that more people will be apt to comment if they know I'll be the only one who sees it initially (and they can ask me not to post their comment and I won't,  i.e., if you just want to send me a personal message), versus it going up for display for everyone to see right away.  I hope that makes sense.

Also, I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this blog so far.  It hasn't even been up one week and it's already received over 400 viewings!  That's got to mean something!  Writing this is REALLY helping me and I REALLY hope it is helping some of you as well!
Blessings to all! 

Friday night crap-out

Well, I went to the gym tonight and all I have to say is, some days you've got it and some days you just don't.  Today, I didn't have it.  I actually really wanted to go to the gym and was planning on working out really hard, but as soon as I started on the elliptical machine I knew it was going to be a tough one.  My legs just felt like they were on the constant verge of cramping up, so instead of 30 minutes I only did 20, and then I got off to stretch.  Then I tried out the recumbent bike and it was the same story, just really tired cramping legs.  I had to keep bringing down the resistance on the bike until I was down to 1.   I ended up doing a total of 45 minutes of cardio, which I am NOT saying is bad AT ALL, it was just a very very unpleasant 45 minutes (and not what I was hoping for in terms of intensity).  Then I did some good stretching, and some abdominal work, which I DETEST more than anything else in the whole world!  But I did it.
In trying to keep all of this in perspective, a month ago I would have said to my husband (with a huge happy smile on my face), "It's Friday night and I think we both deserve a treat."  He would have said, "Are you sure that's what you want to do?  I know you are trying to lose weight."  And I would have said, "Ooooh, come on!  It's Friday night!  I'll start THAT again tomorrow.  What kind of ice cream do you want?"
Tonight, I. WENT. TO. THE. GYM!!!  So what if it was a crap workout?  I went!  I'm not going to lie, on the way there I thought, "maybe I could just get some frozen yogurt on the way home." (I didn't).
So here's to crappy workouts, because a crappy workout is better than no workout at all!

Not Going to Say: "I'll start my diet on Monday"

My vow is to make Saturday and Sunday like any other day of the week (food wise).  Time to break old thought processes i.e., it's the weekend so I can have more fun (with food).  The only change that I'm planning on making is to exercise more  than I'm able to on the weekdays, because my husband will be home.  I know all too well that eating more on the weekend can negate all the work I've put in during the week, and the time to break out of that cycle is NOW!  I AM going to do this and as a reward, I'm going to buy a new lipstick for myself on Sunday night!

An Epiphany from July of 2009

 The following is a blog entry that I wrote in July of 2009 (I posted it on another blog of mine).  I had finally realized that I was never going to eat enough sweets to make me say, "I'm done.  I'm done with desserts.  I can't stand them anymore."  What had happened (happens) with me is that I would tell myself, "Okay, if I just have this one hot fudge sundae then I will stop craving sweets, because this will satisfy the craving, and I'll be able to start eating healthy tomorrow.  Well you know what?  Tomorrow would come and I would say, "Okay, I just need to have a piece of chocolate cake, and then I won't crave sweets anymore, and I'll be able to start eating healthy tomorrow."  Then the next tomorrow it would be a brownie, then the next tomorrow it would be cheesecake etc. etc.  Before long I would get into such a deep rut of doing this that I would end up saying, "Okay, if I just have this one BIG massive dessert/chocolate binge day then I'll get it all out of my system, and then I will REALLY be able to start fresh tomorrow.  (I'm sure you've guessed by now- 40 pounds later- that tomorrow never really came).

So with all that said, here is my post from over a year ago:

"So it has finally happened. The epiphany I have been waiting for most of my adult life. The "ah ha" moment needed to finally stop the madness, the binging without the purging, the mindless shoveling of desserts into my mouth as if they were all going to vanish from planet earth in the next hour. I have finally realized this - THERE WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH - there will never be enough desserts that I can fill into my pie hole (pun intended), to satisfy me. And do you know what? That gives me the peace I have been craving (no pun intended) to know that I CAN have one piece of cake and stop. I now know that eating half a pan of brownies, a chocolate bar, an ice cream sundae, chocolate chip cookies (I could go on) in one weekend DOES NOT max me out. There are not enough desserts in the world that will ever make me say, "No no, I couldn't possibly eat that slab of chocolate cake because I'm sick of dessert. I now know this! Whatever hole I'm trying fill will never be filled, so now I can stop trying to fill it! I can stop after one piece of cake! I can stop after one sundae! I can stop after 2 chocolate chip cookies :-)~
So now as I log off, I'm off to go eat my ONE bowl of ice cream.
I hope!"

So now as I sit typing this on October 21st, 2010 I have to ask myself, Do I believe this and am I capable of doing it?  Can I have a piece of cake on a Sunday and then not eat any more desserts for days or weeks afterward?  I better figure it out fast though because my birthday, my mom's birthday, and my son's birthday are all coming up in early November.  Not to mention Halloween, Thanksgiving, my other daughter's birthday, Christmas, and then my other daughter's birthday, which are all coming up in the next few months.  I feel like what's coming up could make me or break me.  I would love suggestions, thoughts, comments on this post :-)

Small Victory (or is it Big?)

I have not eaten any leftover food off of my children's plates ALL week.  I'm done with the mindset, "but it will be wasting food if SOMEONE (always me) doesn't eat it."  The only waste I see is my own, rapidly expanding, waist!

An early morning at the gym

Kelly (21 months) decided to get up at 5:30 this morning, yuck!  I decided to make the most of the early rising and I got my butt (my butt that my three year old was ramming her head with yesterday while saying, "Mommy, your bum is shaking.  Your bum is big") to the gym by 6.  Jeff had to leave for work by 7, so it was a short work-out.  But then again, a short workout is better than NO workout!

Torture...Candy Style

I just tortured myself in the candy isle of CVS.  It was like the candy and I were having a staring contest (I'm pretty sure I blinked, not sure if the candy did, though).  I won (this time).  Not sure what I'm trying to prove.  It's like I'm saying to the candy, "You think you're so tough, don't you?!  Well, see how strong I am?!  I can stand here and look (I bet you taste great) at you, and not buy (wow, those Kit Kats look so delicious) any of you.  You don't control me, I control you!"  I know that's kind of lame, but that's kind of what I was thinking.  Oh my gosh, I'm trying to prove to the CANDY that I'm tough!  Forget FAT FIGHT, I was having a KAT FIGHT (clever, I know)! What a weirdo!

Visit to Mom and Dad's house....eeeeek!!

Okay, so for the past year taking my kids down to my parent's house for an afternoon/early evening visit has = the following for me, food wise: get to my parents and start eating potato chips, tortilla chips, fiber one bars, nuts nuts nuts, any candy I could find, and chex mix. I would just keep heading back into the kitchen to get more. After a while I would ask my parent's if they would mind watching the kids for a bit so I could head out to a store, and on my way to go shopping I would stop at Hanaford's and get a big bag of yogurt covered pretzels (and eat them while I drove) and sometimes I would stop at a diner called "Cravings" and get a massive cupcake and eat that too. Back at my parent's we would usually get pizza and I would have at least 3 slices of that.
I went yesterday and this is what I had from 3pm on: a banana and a handful of cashews (then I went on a walk with my mom). At dinner I had one very small piece of pizza from the small pizza, two slices of pizza from the onion pizza, half an apple and water.
I would say that yesterdays visit was a BIG improvement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't you?

You Bad Bad Bagel! 10/19/10

Jeff came home last night with leftover bagels from work (the really good kind). My plan for breakfast this morning was to have oatmeal, and until I tried one bite of his bagel, that was still my plan. However, after a bite I had to have one. What did I do to make it "less bad?" I cut it in half and scooped out a lot of the middle (the real bulk of the bagel), then I toasted it and put a "dusting" of cream cheese on. What's a dusting? Barely enough to see it, but enough to get the taste. Now I only feel half bad about the BIG BAD CARB BAGEL at breakfast. My plan for the rest of the day? Cut WAY back other carbs i.e., no bread at lunch, no rice at dinner. I'll just stick with protein, dairy and fruits and veggies (at least this is my plan)...oh, and drink lots of water (Mike :-)

Demons

It's 6:40pm, I've eaten dinner and the demons are coming. What demons you ask? The ones that tell me that my DAY, my LIFE, my EXISTENCE here on earth, will not be complete until I have a dessert. There are no desserts for me tonight and I'm feeling like I'm FREAKING OUT!!! I won't cave, though. I'll have some tea (with a little bit of milk and sugar) and I'll call it a night.
This is tough...very tough.
Oh, and for those of you thinking, "just have a little of something." I can't. I had a little of something last night, which was probably not the best move, and now tonight I want more... and tomorrow night I'll want more...and so on. I have to cut this off now before it spirals out of control...AGAIN!

This past weekend and today 10/16-10/18/10

I went grocery shopping on Saturday and I almost cried in the bakery section (yes, I almost cried) because I knew I couldn't have any of it. I wonder if recovering alcoholics go into liquor stores and start bawling at the beer? I was strong though, and I didn't buy any sweets.
Sunday afternoon - I caved and got half an apple pie and low fat vanilla ice cream. I had one slice (and Jeff had one slice) with one scoop of ice cream and stopped (which is MONUMENTAL!!). I'm giving the kids the last of the pie along with some ice cream, when they finish their lunch today. I'm feeling mentally strong today so I won't eat any of it (Jeff can have whatever ice cream is left when he gets home and then I'm trashing anything left in the carton).
I went to the gym yesterday morning and then ran around the park with the kids in the afternoon. I took Kelly on a 45 minute walk this morning. It felt good!
Since cutting WAY back on sugar two weeks ago I'm feeling a TON more energy (but it took a week or so to get to this point).

My History

(I said I wouldn't write long stuff but I needed to explain my history with food and my weight).

I wasn't a fat kid, although I had periods when I was a bit heavier at times than I should have been for my height, but then I'd have a growth spurt and everything would even out.

In high school my swim team coach (Martin Bealle) told me I should lose a little weight (looking back on it, I was a NORMAL weight for my height and he should have never said anything). The result? I spent the rest of my teens and twenties thinking that I was "fat" when I really wasn't. But I listened to my coach and I went on Weight Watchers (WW), lost about 15 pounds, and my period stopped. You see, when you're not overweight to begin with and then you lose weight rapidly, your body starts to fail. That was junior year. I think my lowest weight was 128?? But then I stopped WW and started to gain weight back senior year.

College: Gained 25 pounds FIRST SEMESTER freshman year (I think I weighed 158 at Christmas break). During college my weight varied between 145-158 (within normal limits for my height).

After college: maintained a normal weight, but then I met Jeff...and I fell in love...and when you date, you eat...out...a lot :-). And I started to gain weight. Then we got engaged, and I dropped about 22 pounds (by doing WW) and was 136 when I got married in 2004.

I had Brian in 2005 (I weighed 195 when I was 9 months pregnant with him), then I got pregnant with Kate 5 months after he was born (I weighed 200 when I was 9 months pregnant with her, February 2007). After Kate, I lost some weight and when I got pregnant with Kelly I weighed 151 (March of 2008). I weighed 205 when I was 9 months pregnant with Kelly (December of 2008). In July of 2009 I was down to 172, and then something happened... and the weight started piling on. In July of 2009 I had been on an antidepressant for a few months so I'm not sure if that really "kicked in", I now had three kids which equaled STRESS, and Whole Foods opened up in my town (I LOVE their bakery). Whatever the reason, from July of 2009 until NOW I've gained 40 pounds (I can't even write my weight, because I'm too upset about it, ..but I'm sure you are all capable of doing the math).

This past year and 3 months have been challenging (to put it mildly and nicely). It's been stressful, and emotionally draining (and physically draining at times), and depressing at times and I've been eating through all of it. I've always loved sweets but I think this year I developed a very real and very true sugar addiction. In addition, conflicting reports said that Zoloft, which I just recently stopped taking, has "increased appetite" as a side effect. Um, I'LL SAY!! I would have eaten the house if you had let me!! I've been off it for just over a month and I'm doing good (emotionally) and I feel like my need to keep filling my pie hole (no pun intended) is subsiding. (FYI, if I feel I need to go back on something (for emotional/psychological reasons) I will work with my doctor to find something that won't make me want to eat like a sumo wrestler).

So that's it. This is where I stand. I'm 60 pounds overweight and I'm afraid (terrified actually) to try to lose the weight, and FAIL. But I DON'T want to be a FAT mom!!!! I'm being forced to face a fear!!!! I don't like it, I don't like it at all! Okay, enough...I'm facing it and if you're reading this then you're following me along for the ride. Please God don't make it be too bumpy!!

The Beginning

Whether you're here for a laugh or because you too are fat (or for both reasons) I would like to welcome you to FAT FIGHT. Why FAT FIGHT? Because after a year of steady weight gain, I'm DONE! I finally got mad enough at the vicious cycle I've been in to want to beat it...beat the crap out of it actually!! The desire to fight came from within, but has been supported and encouraged by those closest to me (my husband, my parents and my brother).

I'm not going to offer recipes or advice on this blog. All I'm going to do is write short (and maybe sometimes long) entries about daily victories and failures, struggles and triumphs, mental pain and mental gain. And of course I'll post weigh-in amounts from time to time.
My goal: To exercise more, eat less, and stop DWELLING so much on the negative!